In March, I usually start getting excited because at the first sight of warmth and sunshine, I start to look ahead to the Whistler August long volleyball tournament. There isn't a week that goes by that I'm not promoting it in some way with anyone that will listen. After the event, I am talking about it until October when everyone around me is tired of the stories and the weather settles into the grey BC rain we're used to.
On Tuesday this week, I found out the forecast was for 80% rain. On Wednesday morning, I found out the Sea to Sky highway will be closed for the long weekend and the only alternative is to go the long way around. On Wednesday night, I sprained my ankle again and can't really walk.
I get the message. No Whistler this weekend. :(
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Parenting
I've been a few places recently that people have asked me how I got my kids to behave so well. We can't take credit for all of it because I'm convinced that some of it is just luck. But much of it isn't also. Here's some things I've noticed from that we do that some others don't.
-we'll follow through. If I make a threat, you can bet I'm willing to carry it out. How many times I've seen other parents make hollow threats and then the kids just walk all over them with no consequences! Why say it if you don't mean it.
-boundaries. There's this whole parenting philosophy around making only positive statements. So instead of "don't run", they'll say "walk". I'm sorry but they just aren't the same thing. If I want someone to really know something, the negative has so much more power to it than the positive. Saying NO is a boundary. Saying yes isn't.
-respect. I've seen so many people treat their kids like crap and then demand their kids to respect them. It just doesn't work that way. I often see something I don't like in my kids and then realize where they got it from. If I treat them with respect, they'll learn to treat me and others that way.
-say what we mean. Kids want to make their parents happy. It isn't always that way but at the age mine are, they want to succeed in my eyes. So I need to define what success is and give them the right tools to get there. Saying one thing and expecting another or being too vague doesn't help anyone.
-selective memory. I'm strict and sometimes mean. When I am, my memory for it is short. But it's important never to forget the good things. When I grew up, sometimes that was the other way around.
-Who's who. I'm the parent. They are the kids. They aren't my friends. They aren't my pet or my slave or my master. It's my job to train them up and give them the right tools to succeed in life. It's their job to learn, test and grow. Quit expecting something out of your kids that they can't give. They aren't your best friend. They need you to be a parent and a rolemodel.
-we'll follow through. If I make a threat, you can bet I'm willing to carry it out. How many times I've seen other parents make hollow threats and then the kids just walk all over them with no consequences! Why say it if you don't mean it.
-boundaries. There's this whole parenting philosophy around making only positive statements. So instead of "don't run", they'll say "walk". I'm sorry but they just aren't the same thing. If I want someone to really know something, the negative has so much more power to it than the positive. Saying NO is a boundary. Saying yes isn't.
-respect. I've seen so many people treat their kids like crap and then demand their kids to respect them. It just doesn't work that way. I often see something I don't like in my kids and then realize where they got it from. If I treat them with respect, they'll learn to treat me and others that way.
-say what we mean. Kids want to make their parents happy. It isn't always that way but at the age mine are, they want to succeed in my eyes. So I need to define what success is and give them the right tools to get there. Saying one thing and expecting another or being too vague doesn't help anyone.
-selective memory. I'm strict and sometimes mean. When I am, my memory for it is short. But it's important never to forget the good things. When I grew up, sometimes that was the other way around.
-Who's who. I'm the parent. They are the kids. They aren't my friends. They aren't my pet or my slave or my master. It's my job to train them up and give them the right tools to succeed in life. It's their job to learn, test and grow. Quit expecting something out of your kids that they can't give. They aren't your best friend. They need you to be a parent and a rolemodel.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
integrity
If there was a virtue that I value the most, I'd say it was integrity. No ones perfect but just the sense that people try to live by what they value - even if I disagree with it. Obviously, those with Christian integrity, I prefer but just knowing that people try to have morals and ideals that they live by, strive to do better and live HUMBLY under - are real examples to me.
I'm so far from being there but when I die, it would be my dream to be remembered as a man with integrity.
I'm so far from being there but when I die, it would be my dream to be remembered as a man with integrity.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Bonhoeffer had it right
I've been bothered lately by the modern definition of grace. I've often said that the definition of grace is "getting what we don't deserve" while mercy is "not getting what we do deserve". So as humans, we don't deserve forgiveness and new life. But God gives it to us through Jesus. What we do deserve however is punishment and death. And we don't get that because of Jesus.
Real grace and mercy transforms us. It's my trip to Hong Kong when my aunts and uncles took 6 months of their savings so they could take us out for a meal. It's when someone forgives you for something that you have repeatedly done overtly to them. It's when God says that I can preach again after I've royally messed up and lived hypocritically all week. Real grace and mercy brings me to my knees.
My problem is that everyone today feels that they are entitled to grace, mercy and forgiveness. When they don't get it, they blame other people. It's as if they expect to get it. But grace that is expected isn't grace. It's permissiveness. Paul talks about this about as plainly as he can in Romans. This kind of grace and mercy doesn't transform. It births pride. And that pride corrupts a relationship with God.
One of my favorite reads in seminary was from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He writes this about what he calls "cheap grace".
[It] is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.
According to Bonhoeffer, real grace is a grace that will cost a man his life.
Real grace and mercy transforms us. It's my trip to Hong Kong when my aunts and uncles took 6 months of their savings so they could take us out for a meal. It's when someone forgives you for something that you have repeatedly done overtly to them. It's when God says that I can preach again after I've royally messed up and lived hypocritically all week. Real grace and mercy brings me to my knees.
My problem is that everyone today feels that they are entitled to grace, mercy and forgiveness. When they don't get it, they blame other people. It's as if they expect to get it. But grace that is expected isn't grace. It's permissiveness. Paul talks about this about as plainly as he can in Romans. This kind of grace and mercy doesn't transform. It births pride. And that pride corrupts a relationship with God.
One of my favorite reads in seminary was from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He writes this about what he calls "cheap grace".
[It] is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.
According to Bonhoeffer, real grace is a grace that will cost a man his life.
Monday, June 30, 2008
on being a stay at home dad
Well I've officially been a stay at home dad for one day now. It's easy.
I'm kidding. (That comment was for Kathleen's benefit when she reads this.)
But just generally speaking, it's easier than I thought it would be. Not because it's easy - but more because I expected it to be really hard.
There's the usual stuff. Kids argue, get restless, want to eat a snack constantly, always want my attention, I can't get anything done, no space to myself. (So far in this blog, I have gotten up 5 times and it's taken me 25 minutes since I'm currently also cooking lunch, watching the kids in the backyard, doing the dishes and cleaning the mess from this morning). I expect that I'll have a meltdown somewhere in the summer because I have no time to myself and I've lost independence. Work is never done as a stay at home parent either which isn't appealing. And, I'm not a stay at home person - period.
But with that said, there were things that I expected to be great. Like having time with the kids with no rush or agenda. Like being able to have flexibility in my day to do whatever I feel like that day - more or less. Like having some time at home to get the house the way we want it. Like having time outdoors at the beach, in the park. Like rediscovering my childhood again doing things I have long since outgrown.
What makes this easier than I'd thought though is the unexpected. The past couple hours, with no prompting from me, Rachel and Jordan have been playing together surprisingly well. Jordan talked to Rachel on her pink, plastic cell phone pretending to talk to Logan while Rachel pretended to talk to Jordan. Rachel gets to be Luke Skywalker when they have light sabre fights. (Apparently, Swiper the Fox gets a light sabre as well sometimes.) It's simply the best watching them play.
Rachel comes up to me about every half an hour wanting a hug from her dad. Jordan has asked me a few times the answer to some trivia fact he's been obviously thinking about for some time. They are both so genuinely happy that they get a whole daddy day - every day. I get to discipline in a discipling way rather than as the authoritarian daddy that comes home after work with the "you're gonna get it" voice. I get to set the house rules for that day. The best part of all - I have seen me in each of them - when they play and talk together.
It's gonna be a tough summer but I'm pretty sure it's also gonna be one of the best of my life.
I'm kidding. (That comment was for Kathleen's benefit when she reads this.)
But just generally speaking, it's easier than I thought it would be. Not because it's easy - but more because I expected it to be really hard.
There's the usual stuff. Kids argue, get restless, want to eat a snack constantly, always want my attention, I can't get anything done, no space to myself. (So far in this blog, I have gotten up 5 times and it's taken me 25 minutes since I'm currently also cooking lunch, watching the kids in the backyard, doing the dishes and cleaning the mess from this morning). I expect that I'll have a meltdown somewhere in the summer because I have no time to myself and I've lost independence. Work is never done as a stay at home parent either which isn't appealing. And, I'm not a stay at home person - period.
But with that said, there were things that I expected to be great. Like having time with the kids with no rush or agenda. Like being able to have flexibility in my day to do whatever I feel like that day - more or less. Like having some time at home to get the house the way we want it. Like having time outdoors at the beach, in the park. Like rediscovering my childhood again doing things I have long since outgrown.
What makes this easier than I'd thought though is the unexpected. The past couple hours, with no prompting from me, Rachel and Jordan have been playing together surprisingly well. Jordan talked to Rachel on her pink, plastic cell phone pretending to talk to Logan while Rachel pretended to talk to Jordan. Rachel gets to be Luke Skywalker when they have light sabre fights. (Apparently, Swiper the Fox gets a light sabre as well sometimes.) It's simply the best watching them play.
Rachel comes up to me about every half an hour wanting a hug from her dad. Jordan has asked me a few times the answer to some trivia fact he's been obviously thinking about for some time. They are both so genuinely happy that they get a whole daddy day - every day. I get to discipline in a discipling way rather than as the authoritarian daddy that comes home after work with the "you're gonna get it" voice. I get to set the house rules for that day. The best part of all - I have seen me in each of them - when they play and talk together.
It's gonna be a tough summer but I'm pretty sure it's also gonna be one of the best of my life.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Presbyterians.
The Presbyterian Church in Canada for the most part is a good denomination. I've grown a ton here. In terms of church government, I like the theory behind having courts of various levels to decide things. It's not as tyrannical as just having a bishop (like the Episcopalians) or having each congregation deciding for themselves - which depending on the pastor and elders - could have some serious issues as well. I like the theory behind the layout of half clergy and half lay people in Presbytery and higher. I like it that I'm forced to always wrestle out my theology because I am forced to sit with others that differ from me. I really like the emphasis on grace.
So why am I leaving? There's tons of reasons. Here's the main ones.
-I'm never going to a PCC school so I can get "recognized". The enrollment within the PCC schools is in sharp decline. Less and less younger people are choosing to go into ministry within this denomination. The education quality is sporadic and sometimes (like when I was there) VERY poor. When I went to VST, it was even heredical. I expected liberal Christian teaching. Was Mary really a virgin or did Jesus really rise from the dead kinda stuff. I wasn't expecting neo-pagan teaching. Jesus life, death and resurrection as just a mythic "form" to illustrate the cycles of life. Jesus was only a man and men have for ages oppressed women and creation and therefore Christians cannot worship only Jesus (this was from the Christology professor - and in her honor, I will capitalize 'Christology' even though I got that corrected on every paper I wrote). Or the ever offensive, "I like to picture Jesus on the cross with an erection because as a human, he would've had one." If you've got an axe to grind against men or orthodox Christianity, do it on your own time. Not in a theological institution that will train the future pastors of the church. Thanks VST. But no thanks. I worked my butt off doing my MDiv elsewhere. I struggled with my faith there but at the end of the day, I grew in my faith and my calling. And I greatly respected every single one of my professors. And that school happens to be growing in enrollment.
-Within the PCC, you can't get ordained unless you go to one of their schools - which I've explained why I'm not going. If you aren't ordained, you can't do communion or baptism. While I understand why, I don't understand why they don't make exceptions. If I do a hospital visit and someone is dying right then and they want to accept Christ and get baptized, am I supposed to say no and then call an ordained PCC minister to come - someone who potentially has no relationship with this person - so they can put holy water on their head? While I agree that not everyone should just go break bread and baptize people, any denomination that has rules that can't be shaped when it doesn't conflict Scripture doesn't have it right. Is God going to not honor a baptism or communion done by a non-ordained PCC elder or pastor? The Bible is clear to me when it says what a priesthood of all believers is.
-On that note, this denomination is built around the ideal of the priesthood of all believers. It's why it's an elder built denomination. But it isn't that way. Instead of feeling ostrasized by the odd arrogant pastor you meet, you feel ostrasized by a whole group of people. The first Session meeting I attended (to which I was invited), I raised my hand during a motion. A simple motion too - just to adopt the minutes of the last meeting I think. I got singled out by someone who looked at me and said loudly, "YOU can't VOTE! Put your hand down!" The first Presbytery meeting I attended, I was asked to present a report about camping ministry. I'd been in camping ministry for 12 straight summers at that point. I knew more about camping than most of those people added up. But I didn't know about that meeting apparently because my presentation was excluded because as a "point of order", I did something I should do - to which I still don't know what it was. At another time, (I'd been a pastor in the PCC for about 7 years at this point), I was serving as the english pastor at Chinese Church. There was pulpit exchange. Since I was the regular preacher in the English service, it made sense for me to do the exchange with the other church. But she wouldn't have it. Why? Because I can't bring official "greetings" from Presbytery. Let me get this right. I can be asked to serve on national committees. You'll let me have the pulpit weekly. I can speak at camps, churches, provincial and national events. You'll let me visit, marry and do funerals. But I can't say hello on behalf of Presbytery?
So here's the thing. I've been blessed to work in this denomination beside some exceptional individuals. Every church I've served in has been phenomenal. They have been supportive of me, my calling and without them, I wouldn't be me. I've worked hard to serve this denomination and the church - even sometimes when I would've done it differently. So for the most part, I move around the PCC quite freely already. I have no bone to pick with any of these churches or people. Truth be told, I'm sure if it were up to them, I'd be ordained right now. But why?
There's someone else out there going through this right now. Others that have before me. And some extremely gifted, called and exceptional people that have been shafted and left their calling because of this process and this structure. It's not Biblical or right. In this structure, who would've made it? Not Abraham, David, Peter or Paul. Jesus was a carpenters son. Would he have gotten his MDiv?
So why am I leaving? There's tons of reasons. Here's the main ones.
-I'm never going to a PCC school so I can get "recognized". The enrollment within the PCC schools is in sharp decline. Less and less younger people are choosing to go into ministry within this denomination. The education quality is sporadic and sometimes (like when I was there) VERY poor. When I went to VST, it was even heredical. I expected liberal Christian teaching. Was Mary really a virgin or did Jesus really rise from the dead kinda stuff. I wasn't expecting neo-pagan teaching. Jesus life, death and resurrection as just a mythic "form" to illustrate the cycles of life. Jesus was only a man and men have for ages oppressed women and creation and therefore Christians cannot worship only Jesus (this was from the Christology professor - and in her honor, I will capitalize 'Christology' even though I got that corrected on every paper I wrote). Or the ever offensive, "I like to picture Jesus on the cross with an erection because as a human, he would've had one." If you've got an axe to grind against men or orthodox Christianity, do it on your own time. Not in a theological institution that will train the future pastors of the church. Thanks VST. But no thanks. I worked my butt off doing my MDiv elsewhere. I struggled with my faith there but at the end of the day, I grew in my faith and my calling. And I greatly respected every single one of my professors. And that school happens to be growing in enrollment.
-Within the PCC, you can't get ordained unless you go to one of their schools - which I've explained why I'm not going. If you aren't ordained, you can't do communion or baptism. While I understand why, I don't understand why they don't make exceptions. If I do a hospital visit and someone is dying right then and they want to accept Christ and get baptized, am I supposed to say no and then call an ordained PCC minister to come - someone who potentially has no relationship with this person - so they can put holy water on their head? While I agree that not everyone should just go break bread and baptize people, any denomination that has rules that can't be shaped when it doesn't conflict Scripture doesn't have it right. Is God going to not honor a baptism or communion done by a non-ordained PCC elder or pastor? The Bible is clear to me when it says what a priesthood of all believers is.
-On that note, this denomination is built around the ideal of the priesthood of all believers. It's why it's an elder built denomination. But it isn't that way. Instead of feeling ostrasized by the odd arrogant pastor you meet, you feel ostrasized by a whole group of people. The first Session meeting I attended (to which I was invited), I raised my hand during a motion. A simple motion too - just to adopt the minutes of the last meeting I think. I got singled out by someone who looked at me and said loudly, "YOU can't VOTE! Put your hand down!" The first Presbytery meeting I attended, I was asked to present a report about camping ministry. I'd been in camping ministry for 12 straight summers at that point. I knew more about camping than most of those people added up. But I didn't know about that meeting apparently because my presentation was excluded because as a "point of order", I did something I should do - to which I still don't know what it was. At another time, (I'd been a pastor in the PCC for about 7 years at this point), I was serving as the english pastor at Chinese Church. There was pulpit exchange. Since I was the regular preacher in the English service, it made sense for me to do the exchange with the other church. But she wouldn't have it. Why? Because I can't bring official "greetings" from Presbytery. Let me get this right. I can be asked to serve on national committees. You'll let me have the pulpit weekly. I can speak at camps, churches, provincial and national events. You'll let me visit, marry and do funerals. But I can't say hello on behalf of Presbytery?
So here's the thing. I've been blessed to work in this denomination beside some exceptional individuals. Every church I've served in has been phenomenal. They have been supportive of me, my calling and without them, I wouldn't be me. I've worked hard to serve this denomination and the church - even sometimes when I would've done it differently. So for the most part, I move around the PCC quite freely already. I have no bone to pick with any of these churches or people. Truth be told, I'm sure if it were up to them, I'd be ordained right now. But why?
There's someone else out there going through this right now. Others that have before me. And some extremely gifted, called and exceptional people that have been shafted and left their calling because of this process and this structure. It's not Biblical or right. In this structure, who would've made it? Not Abraham, David, Peter or Paul. Jesus was a carpenters son. Would he have gotten his MDiv?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The end of an era
Life doesn't progress in a linear fashion. There are days/weeks/years that move along with very little change and then there are some that change drastically. My life has probably changed more in the past month than the past five years. Here's some reasons why: (i'll elaborate next time)
-After 11 years in a denomination, I'm done and moving on. (by far the longest anywhere - for those that were counting, I had 8 in a Baptist, 4 in an Anglican).
-After having student loans for the past 14 years, I've paid them off!
-After running away from Victoria and loving being out of the fishbowl, I'm back there again! (and loving it)
-After being employed for the past 20 years (and sometimes VERY employed), I'm unemployed and just staying home with the kids all summer!
-While I've given up some debts, I've picked up others such as a house I'll be paying off for the next 40 years, a car for the next few, and some expensive reno loans that will probably outlive me.
-After 11 years in a denomination, I'm done and moving on. (by far the longest anywhere - for those that were counting, I had 8 in a Baptist, 4 in an Anglican).
-After having student loans for the past 14 years, I've paid them off!
-After running away from Victoria and loving being out of the fishbowl, I'm back there again! (and loving it)
-After being employed for the past 20 years (and sometimes VERY employed), I'm unemployed and just staying home with the kids all summer!
-While I've given up some debts, I've picked up others such as a house I'll be paying off for the next 40 years, a car for the next few, and some expensive reno loans that will probably outlive me.
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