Parenting

I've been a few places recently that people have asked me how I got my kids to behave so well. We can't take credit for all of it because I'm convinced that some of it is just luck. But much of it isn't also. Here's some things I've noticed from that we do that some others don't.

-we'll follow through. If I make a threat, you can bet I'm willing to carry it out. How many times I've seen other parents make hollow threats and then the kids just walk all over them with no consequences! Why say it if you don't mean it.

-boundaries. There's this whole parenting philosophy around making only positive statements. So instead of "don't run", they'll say "walk". I'm sorry but they just aren't the same thing. If I want someone to really know something, the negative has so much more power to it than the positive. Saying NO is a boundary. Saying yes isn't.

-respect. I've seen so many people treat their kids like crap and then demand their kids to respect them. It just doesn't work that way. I often see something I don't like in my kids and then realize where they got it from. If I treat them with respect, they'll learn to treat me and others that way.

-say what we mean. Kids want to make their parents happy. It isn't always that way but at the age mine are, they want to succeed in my eyes. So I need to define what success is and give them the right tools to get there. Saying one thing and expecting another or being too vague doesn't help anyone.

-selective memory. I'm strict and sometimes mean. When I am, my memory for it is short. But it's important never to forget the good things. When I grew up, sometimes that was the other way around.

-Who's who. I'm the parent. They are the kids. They aren't my friends. They aren't my pet or my slave or my master. It's my job to train them up and give them the right tools to succeed in life. It's their job to learn, test and grow. Quit expecting something out of your kids that they can't give. They aren't your best friend. They need you to be a parent and a rolemodel.