I've been grumpy this week. PMS for men. Not sure why but no matter what's going on, I don't feel like doing it. I've written two complaint letters that were pretty seething this week and I pity the people that have made sales calls to my house. When I was at the store the other day and the girl at the checkout was talking to me and somehow came up about where I worked and I said at the Presby. church, she said, "oh yeah? I go to church too! The JW church." I just turned and said, "it's not the same thing." and then took my bags and left. Probably not the best witness - and next time I"m in, i'll make sure I'll be extra kind.
Anyhow, got me thinking about being politically correct. I'm good at it. But I hate it. Being a Presby. means even among the churchy people, there's things to say and avoid. Let alone others. Here's a few.
1) I've touched on the religeon one. Why is it that we have to be so accommodating around spirituality? They aren't the same! One isn't as good as another! It's not what's right for you, what's right for me. It's what's right, period. Wanna argue about which is right? Fine. At least you can acknowledge that they're different and it's more than just optimism or something in our head that's fabricated.
2) Alcohol and drug abuse. It's not a disease. Yes, for a few people, it is something that you grew up with and had less of a chance of avoiding it. But drinking and using drugs was a choice and even though you knew it was addictive and bad for you, you still did it. The addiction you have is a consequence. Deal with it. When you can admit that, you've got a chance.
3) I'm Chinese. If you don't know what I am, call me Asian. That covers almost half of the earth's population. But don't just guess or say, "you people". That's offensive. If you are white and not a good friend of mine, don't make Chinese jokes either.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Driving
I counted 5 speed traps from Mill Bay to Victoria just in the direction I was travelling! 5 cops! Crazy money grab.
I've never heard anyone call me a slow driver. I've slowed down over the years. I no longer can do UVIC to Nanaimo in 47 minutes (my record) but I'm still more at home in Vancouver or in the States.
So today when a guy was riding my tail going over the Hat, I was pretty choked. I was going good and this guy was trying to pass me on solid doubles and stuff and then honking when he wasn't succeeding. I wasn't speeding up on him but I wasn't exactly going to slow down and let the jerk get his way either. So when the passing lane comes up and he passes me going at least 140-150, I faught every urge to give the finger. After all, it could have been someone I know! But turns out I didn't so he got the bird up first.
A minute later, cop comes flying out and hunts this jerk down.
Enjoy your ticket buddy. Sorry you're $500 out. Guess what? I beat you home too.
I've never heard anyone call me a slow driver. I've slowed down over the years. I no longer can do UVIC to Nanaimo in 47 minutes (my record) but I'm still more at home in Vancouver or in the States.
So today when a guy was riding my tail going over the Hat, I was pretty choked. I was going good and this guy was trying to pass me on solid doubles and stuff and then honking when he wasn't succeeding. I wasn't speeding up on him but I wasn't exactly going to slow down and let the jerk get his way either. So when the passing lane comes up and he passes me going at least 140-150, I faught every urge to give the finger. After all, it could have been someone I know! But turns out I didn't so he got the bird up first.
A minute later, cop comes flying out and hunts this jerk down.
Enjoy your ticket buddy. Sorry you're $500 out. Guess what? I beat you home too.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Giving our worst to God
I'm a perfectionist. People wouldn't know it to meet me because I hide it in an air of clumbsiness and spontenaeity but I expect a lot from myself and can beat myself up pretty good when I don't meet my own expectations. I know the root of it is pride. Somewhere inside, I think I'm better than other people so while I can forgive and give grace to others, I can't do it to myself. I tell myself I shouldn't make mistakes. I'm better than that. Perfectionism is a sin like any other and I'm working on it. When I'm not working on it, I'm just hiding it I guess.
It gets said a lot that we need to give our best to those we love. We should give our best for God - or for our spouse or for our kids. For me, the best I have to give is my worst.
It's a lot harder for me to be vulnerable, broken, incomplete, a work in progress than to give the things I do best. It's hard to show my weakness, my insecurity, my "no matter how hard I try I still screw things up". Because I'm a perfectionist and to show that is to bare my soul. What will others do with it? What will God do with that? It's true vulnerability for me and I hate it.
But it's what has given strength to relationships. I can honestly say that Kathleen will love me no matter what because she's done it when it's been hard or next to impossible - because I've been far from lovable. Far from a trophy husband. Far from sometimes even being a civilized human being. She sees my hypocracies and knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
That's why I like to sing and play my guitar. It's not because I'm good at it. I know I'm not. It's because it's the thing that I give to God that is truly me. I'm pouring my heart out and baring my soul doing something that's outside of my comfort zone. It's surrender for me to play - or dance - or anything else that isn't natural to me. I'm far from an accomplished musician. Far from an accomplished Christian. I'm the worst hypocrite sometimes. But God loves me anyways. That's why I know God will love me no matter what. Because he already has. He loves to hear my missed chords, missed beats, out of tune notes because THAT is me showing God that I'm willing to even give my worst to Him. It's admitting that I need Him and that without Him, I'd be nothing. I live much of my life hiding that fact. I hope I learn my lesson soon.
It gets said a lot that we need to give our best to those we love. We should give our best for God - or for our spouse or for our kids. For me, the best I have to give is my worst.
It's a lot harder for me to be vulnerable, broken, incomplete, a work in progress than to give the things I do best. It's hard to show my weakness, my insecurity, my "no matter how hard I try I still screw things up". Because I'm a perfectionist and to show that is to bare my soul. What will others do with it? What will God do with that? It's true vulnerability for me and I hate it.
But it's what has given strength to relationships. I can honestly say that Kathleen will love me no matter what because she's done it when it's been hard or next to impossible - because I've been far from lovable. Far from a trophy husband. Far from sometimes even being a civilized human being. She sees my hypocracies and knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
That's why I like to sing and play my guitar. It's not because I'm good at it. I know I'm not. It's because it's the thing that I give to God that is truly me. I'm pouring my heart out and baring my soul doing something that's outside of my comfort zone. It's surrender for me to play - or dance - or anything else that isn't natural to me. I'm far from an accomplished musician. Far from an accomplished Christian. I'm the worst hypocrite sometimes. But God loves me anyways. That's why I know God will love me no matter what. Because he already has. He loves to hear my missed chords, missed beats, out of tune notes because THAT is me showing God that I'm willing to even give my worst to Him. It's admitting that I need Him and that without Him, I'd be nothing. I live much of my life hiding that fact. I hope I learn my lesson soon.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
My friend Kris
Kris and I were both in Ontario jumping through a Presbyterian hoop called Guidance conference in 2003. Basically, we were brought out to Ontario to be in a community of other people looking towards ordination and there are a bunch of ministers and elders there watching us interact and grill us to see if we are 'worthy'. Strange system. Anyhow, Kris and I were talking about how awful and pretentious of a system we have.
Somewhere through our conversation, we had a few minutes where he opened up about his family - particularly his daughter Katie that was having some serious health issues and how it affected him and his family. We got sharing about our kids - how important family was - and how everything else in life pales in comparison to it. How we'd give anything for our kids, how vulnerable they are, how we needed to learn to trust God deeper and more. Had it not been for Kris, guidance conference would have really sucked.
A year later, Kris and his family are in a major car accident and everyone but Katie is killed.
This morning, out of nowhere, a thanksgiving is given from a lady in the church about katie and I'm done. I guess I never really had a chance to work out losing my friend. To work out how God allowed this to happen. How much it would break my friend's heart to know that his precious little girl would grow up not knowing his mom, dad and sister. It shouldn't have happened. It wasn't right. Kris was my age and at the prime of his life and the beginning of what would be an awesome ministry. He was one of the few truly faithful, godly men of integrity I knew.
So tonight, I'm going to enjoy my kids and family. That's what Kris would tell me to do. I can't even imagine losing them. But I guess Kris hasn't lost them. It's just Katie - for now.
Somewhere through our conversation, we had a few minutes where he opened up about his family - particularly his daughter Katie that was having some serious health issues and how it affected him and his family. We got sharing about our kids - how important family was - and how everything else in life pales in comparison to it. How we'd give anything for our kids, how vulnerable they are, how we needed to learn to trust God deeper and more. Had it not been for Kris, guidance conference would have really sucked.
A year later, Kris and his family are in a major car accident and everyone but Katie is killed.
This morning, out of nowhere, a thanksgiving is given from a lady in the church about katie and I'm done. I guess I never really had a chance to work out losing my friend. To work out how God allowed this to happen. How much it would break my friend's heart to know that his precious little girl would grow up not knowing his mom, dad and sister. It shouldn't have happened. It wasn't right. Kris was my age and at the prime of his life and the beginning of what would be an awesome ministry. He was one of the few truly faithful, godly men of integrity I knew.
So tonight, I'm going to enjoy my kids and family. That's what Kris would tell me to do. I can't even imagine losing them. But I guess Kris hasn't lost them. It's just Katie - for now.
Friday, June 8, 2007
What don't I like?
Ok, you asked.
1) Sometimes feeling like I have 300 bosses that pay my cheque and tell me what to do.
2) Baring my soul to those 300 people to sometimes get hurt by them.
3) Desk work.
4) Having to eat food that I don't like while visiting to be polite. (especially heavy lactose products!)
5) Letting those 300 people down.
6) Being always on call and always watched by people that know me that I don't necessarily know. Never getting true time off.
And by far, the biggest thing I don't like...
7) When I feel I let God down.
1) Sometimes feeling like I have 300 bosses that pay my cheque and tell me what to do.
2) Baring my soul to those 300 people to sometimes get hurt by them.
3) Desk work.
4) Having to eat food that I don't like while visiting to be polite. (especially heavy lactose products!)
5) Letting those 300 people down.
6) Being always on call and always watched by people that know me that I don't necessarily know. Never getting true time off.
And by far, the biggest thing I don't like...
7) When I feel I let God down.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
My job
First, let me say that this past week, I've been surprised to hear from a few people that they actually read this blog. I know there is an etiquette around blogging that you don't mention blog stuff in everyday conversations with people so you just never really know who's reading it. I guess I should be careful what I write! Or maybe slip in subliminal messages here to unsuspecting readers...
I don't think I've ever met anyone that has said to me, "Chris. Pastor. That's what I thought." It used to offend me a bit but then I realized it's because people see me as just an ordinary joe. (*this is when I called you) I think some of this comes from the misconceptions people have around church and ministry. People generally don't know too many pastors as close friends. (some of that is because some pastors have friendship issues) Or people don't really see 95% of what a pastor does or what a church is all about. Anyhow, here's a few reasons why I love what I do...
1) My job is to see the things that aren't visible. How God is working in a life - through good situations and many times even bad ones. Where God is in Scripture and in the world. I believe God is more at work today than He ever has been before. It's as obvious to me as my receding hairline.
2) I get to be a part of other people's lives. I'm an extrovert. I learn from people. I've learned so much about life through being a part of others joys and struggles, life and death. I'm encouraged just about every day by the courage and strength people have. My worldview is broad and my grace has grown because I've seen firsthand how people make the most of life with far less than I will ever have.
3) It's flexible. A pastor job is what you make it to be. I get to plan activities and programs if that's what I want to do. I can spend my days visiting people if I want. A good pastor knows what they are good at and brings that to their work and not just trying to fill a job description. (I'd argue that every job is that way but that's another story). Not to mention that a pastor has flexible hours. MANY hours sometimes but flexible ones.
4) I get to preach and teach. I love preaching. Not only is it because I like to talk and in this job, people come to listen to me ramble for half an hour but to be able to be an instrument for God to speak through is something that is absolutely the greatest thing in the world. For me, there is no better place to be than behind the pulpit. I'm at my broken lowest before God but I feel like that moment is what I was put on this earth to do.
5) Reading and growing is a part of my job. Right now, I'm reading "The Gospel according to Starbucks" by Leonard Sweet. My feet are on my desk and I'm flipping the pages thinking about what this means in terms of 21st century ministry. If it was sunny outside, I'd be under a tree reading this right now. I might be drinking coffee or a cold coke.
6) I get to play. This Saturday, Kevin and I are taking a bus load to go cart or swim or play video games. In the literature, it's called "relational ministry". In the vernacular, it's called playtime. Whether it's youth group, a coffee appointment, playing my guitar in worship, visiting a family for dinner or serving at camp, it's fun. Some people take holidays to do this stuff. It's part of my work day.
7) (the complete number) To most people, church is boring. Truthfully, sometimes to me it is as well. But, church at its finest moments, is something that is absolutely the most amazing institution in the world. When a family goes through a significant lifechange (ie. birth, death, moving etc.), this congregation here brings casseroles to their houses so they don't have to cook. Single moms and those struggling get mechanic and yard work done by some of the guys here. People have mortgaged homes to see God's vision carried out when money is needed. People give and give and give and give expecting nothing in return. WHY? Because they genuinely love each other. They genuinely love God. And they KNOW deep as deep gets, that THAT is precisely what God did for them. And I get to witness it.
I don't think I've ever met anyone that has said to me, "Chris. Pastor. That's what I thought." It used to offend me a bit but then I realized it's because people see me as just an ordinary joe. (*this is when I called you) I think some of this comes from the misconceptions people have around church and ministry. People generally don't know too many pastors as close friends. (some of that is because some pastors have friendship issues) Or people don't really see 95% of what a pastor does or what a church is all about. Anyhow, here's a few reasons why I love what I do...
1) My job is to see the things that aren't visible. How God is working in a life - through good situations and many times even bad ones. Where God is in Scripture and in the world. I believe God is more at work today than He ever has been before. It's as obvious to me as my receding hairline.
2) I get to be a part of other people's lives. I'm an extrovert. I learn from people. I've learned so much about life through being a part of others joys and struggles, life and death. I'm encouraged just about every day by the courage and strength people have. My worldview is broad and my grace has grown because I've seen firsthand how people make the most of life with far less than I will ever have.
3) It's flexible. A pastor job is what you make it to be. I get to plan activities and programs if that's what I want to do. I can spend my days visiting people if I want. A good pastor knows what they are good at and brings that to their work and not just trying to fill a job description. (I'd argue that every job is that way but that's another story). Not to mention that a pastor has flexible hours. MANY hours sometimes but flexible ones.
4) I get to preach and teach. I love preaching. Not only is it because I like to talk and in this job, people come to listen to me ramble for half an hour but to be able to be an instrument for God to speak through is something that is absolutely the greatest thing in the world. For me, there is no better place to be than behind the pulpit. I'm at my broken lowest before God but I feel like that moment is what I was put on this earth to do.
5) Reading and growing is a part of my job. Right now, I'm reading "The Gospel according to Starbucks" by Leonard Sweet. My feet are on my desk and I'm flipping the pages thinking about what this means in terms of 21st century ministry. If it was sunny outside, I'd be under a tree reading this right now. I might be drinking coffee or a cold coke.
6) I get to play. This Saturday, Kevin and I are taking a bus load to go cart or swim or play video games. In the literature, it's called "relational ministry". In the vernacular, it's called playtime. Whether it's youth group, a coffee appointment, playing my guitar in worship, visiting a family for dinner or serving at camp, it's fun. Some people take holidays to do this stuff. It's part of my work day.
7) (the complete number) To most people, church is boring. Truthfully, sometimes to me it is as well. But, church at its finest moments, is something that is absolutely the most amazing institution in the world. When a family goes through a significant lifechange (ie. birth, death, moving etc.), this congregation here brings casseroles to their houses so they don't have to cook. Single moms and those struggling get mechanic and yard work done by some of the guys here. People have mortgaged homes to see God's vision carried out when money is needed. People give and give and give and give expecting nothing in return. WHY? Because they genuinely love each other. They genuinely love God. And they KNOW deep as deep gets, that THAT is precisely what God did for them. And I get to witness it.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Grad dinner
Last night, I attended the dinner at the church for all the grads. It's something the church has done long before I arrived. While I've done tons of these dinners for youth groupers, I must admit that St. Andy's does it well. The food was good, decorations and gifts were cool and generally speaking, is a classy event that I think any grad would enjoy.
What really impressed me last night was that there was a huge sense that it was the whole community that had raised these teens. The group that was there had really seen these kids grow up and each family had a genuine part in another's family. It wasn't an artificial "it takes a village" feeling but a real sincere atmosphere of celebrating each other's success.
I've been doing youth ministry for a long time. Sometimes I think too long. The thing about it isn't that I don't enjoy teens. I probably value the ministry more now than I did 20 years ago when I first got started. The thing is that I'm not sure HOW to do it effectively anymore. I've done it a certain way my whole life. I've read about 'relational' ministry or about 'EPIC' or postmodern church ministries. And I like it all.
But something has been changing in my view of youth ministry and I'm not sure how or when it will be there. Something about last night was really RIGHT though. The church had been the church.
What really impressed me last night was that there was a huge sense that it was the whole community that had raised these teens. The group that was there had really seen these kids grow up and each family had a genuine part in another's family. It wasn't an artificial "it takes a village" feeling but a real sincere atmosphere of celebrating each other's success.
I've been doing youth ministry for a long time. Sometimes I think too long. The thing about it isn't that I don't enjoy teens. I probably value the ministry more now than I did 20 years ago when I first got started. The thing is that I'm not sure HOW to do it effectively anymore. I've done it a certain way my whole life. I've read about 'relational' ministry or about 'EPIC' or postmodern church ministries. And I like it all.
But something has been changing in my view of youth ministry and I'm not sure how or when it will be there. Something about last night was really RIGHT though. The church had been the church.
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