It's like dating

Candidating for a church is a lot like I remember dating. You find a church that's vacant and seems attractive. You put out there that you're interested. They may or may not respond. Most of the time, that's it. No date, nothing. Just flirting.

But sometimes it works out.

You set up some time to have your first date and that date is pretty superficial. They want to know if you're good enough and you want to know if they are psychotic. This stage is basically a get to know you and you just don't want to mess it up. If you can create enough intrigue that they want to know more about you, you've done well. They usually put out their best selves as well and most of the time, there's enough there for a second date.

But sometimes it doesn't work out. One of you likes the other and one doesn't enough to have the second date. There's heartbreak and the longer you've been dating, the harder it is. Hopes get high and you might start to imagine life changing to accommodate the other. You remind yourself there's lots of fish in the sea but inside you secretly wonder if that fish is really out there.

The second, third and fourth dates are a lot more serious. During these dates, you start to invest yourself and see if the other person is really who they say they are. You get to know some of their friends and see how they act around them and what they might say about her. They do the same with your friends - maybe your family. In these dates, you really get a sense about chemistry. Anyone can talk to someone for a few hours on a first date. It takes real chemistry to be able to spend more time than that.

At some point, there's a decision. A friend once called it the "DTR" moment. "Defining the relationship." It's the moment most guys hate. You're enjoying a nice evening out. There's great connection. You have fun together and enjoy each other's company a lot. And she says, "So.....what are we?" She's basically asking for the "DTR". You're in the hot seat. Is there a future here?

Sometimes that works out. Sometimes it doesn't. I've been in both.