When it's just not meant to be

In March, I usually start getting excited because at the first sight of warmth and sunshine, I start to look ahead to the Whistler August long volleyball tournament. There isn't a week that goes by that I'm not promoting it in some way with anyone that will listen. After the event, I am talking about it until October when everyone around me is tired of the stories and the weather settles into the grey BC rain we're used to.

On Tuesday this week, I found out the forecast was for 80% rain. On Wednesday morning, I found out the Sea to Sky highway will be closed for the long weekend and the only alternative is to go the long way around. On Wednesday night, I sprained my ankle again and can't really walk.

I get the message. No Whistler this weekend. :(

Parenting

I've been a few places recently that people have asked me how I got my kids to behave so well. We can't take credit for all of it because I'm convinced that some of it is just luck. But much of it isn't also. Here's some things I've noticed from that we do that some others don't.

-we'll follow through. If I make a threat, you can bet I'm willing to carry it out. How many times I've seen other parents make hollow threats and then the kids just walk all over them with no consequences! Why say it if you don't mean it.

-boundaries. There's this whole parenting philosophy around making only positive statements. So instead of "don't run", they'll say "walk". I'm sorry but they just aren't the same thing. If I want someone to really know something, the negative has so much more power to it than the positive. Saying NO is a boundary. Saying yes isn't.

-respect. I've seen so many people treat their kids like crap and then demand their kids to respect them. It just doesn't work that way. I often see something I don't like in my kids and then realize where they got it from. If I treat them with respect, they'll learn to treat me and others that way.

-say what we mean. Kids want to make their parents happy. It isn't always that way but at the age mine are, they want to succeed in my eyes. So I need to define what success is and give them the right tools to get there. Saying one thing and expecting another or being too vague doesn't help anyone.

-selective memory. I'm strict and sometimes mean. When I am, my memory for it is short. But it's important never to forget the good things. When I grew up, sometimes that was the other way around.

-Who's who. I'm the parent. They are the kids. They aren't my friends. They aren't my pet or my slave or my master. It's my job to train them up and give them the right tools to succeed in life. It's their job to learn, test and grow. Quit expecting something out of your kids that they can't give. They aren't your best friend. They need you to be a parent and a rolemodel.

integrity

If there was a virtue that I value the most, I'd say it was integrity. No ones perfect but just the sense that people try to live by what they value - even if I disagree with it. Obviously, those with Christian integrity, I prefer but just knowing that people try to have morals and ideals that they live by, strive to do better and live HUMBLY under - are real examples to me.

I'm so far from being there but when I die, it would be my dream to be remembered as a man with integrity.

Bonhoeffer had it right

I've been bothered lately by the modern definition of grace. I've often said that the definition of grace is "getting what we don't deserve" while mercy is "not getting what we do deserve". So as humans, we don't deserve forgiveness and new life. But God gives it to us through Jesus. What we do deserve however is punishment and death. And we don't get that because of Jesus.

Real grace and mercy transforms us. It's my trip to Hong Kong when my aunts and uncles took 6 months of their savings so they could take us out for a meal. It's when someone forgives you for something that you have repeatedly done overtly to them. It's when God says that I can preach again after I've royally messed up and lived hypocritically all week. Real grace and mercy brings me to my knees.

My problem is that everyone today feels that they are entitled to grace, mercy and forgiveness. When they don't get it, they blame other people. It's as if they expect to get it. But grace that is expected isn't grace. It's permissiveness. Paul talks about this about as plainly as he can in Romans. This kind of grace and mercy doesn't transform. It births pride. And that pride corrupts a relationship with God.

One of my favorite reads in seminary was from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He writes this about what he calls "cheap grace".

[It] is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

According to Bonhoeffer, real grace is a grace that will cost a man his life.