Life update

 Jordan reminded me yesterday that I have this blog. A lot has changed since I wrote last…

1) I stopped being a pastor after 27 years. 

2) I started being a financial planner. 

3) I stopped being a financial planner. 

4) I started my own startup called Renzoku. 

5) I closed Renzoku because market conditions changed permanently.

6) I got a job as a project manager at an IT company. 

7) I became a grandpa.

I’ll just answer the most popular questions about each I guess. Starting with #1:

1) Do you miss it? No. I don’t miss the responsibility, the grind of writing a sermon a week, the exhaustion of always needing to be on, the inability to have a personal opinion. The only thing that I really miss is the feeling of community and belonging - but I don’t think I’d feel that in the church today anyhow.

2) Why did I quit? I left my last church because it was time for me to go. They needed someone else to take them the next leg of the journey and I knew I was the one to take them there.

The bigger question is why did I quit the “profession”. I really don’t recognize much about the church that I see around me anymore. It doesn’t reflect what drew me to Christianity. Being a leader in the church felt like trying to boil the ocean. I was never going to get there and in the end, I’d end up just the same as the ocean - which would have been against everything that I want to be about. 

3) Will I ever go back? No. But i wouldn’t rule out going forward into church leadership again in the future. It would need to be so different than the past that it would feel completely new but there is a universe out there that I’m in ministry again. But theres probably more universes out there that I’m a chronic gambler or a nihilistic billionaire so thats not really saying much. 

Life tips

As far as I know, there is only one person that reads this blog besides me. So this post is for him.

I’m not sure why you’re reading this - whether you’re just bored and wondering if I’d written anything else or if you’re missing home (or me), or if you’ve had a bad day. Whatever the reason, know that I’m proud of you and love you more than you’ll ever know. 

Since I preached last week about the Ten Commandments I thought it would be fun to give you my top 10 tips…(in no particular order):

1) If someone offers you a breath mint or gum, always say yes. 

2) Be the guy everyone wants on the team. Generally that means skate hard and pass the puck. 

3) When others around you are in a pissing contest, the only way to win is not to piss at all. 

4) it’s never too late to fold a losing hand. 

5) confidence is attractive to others. True confidence has nothing to do with being the best at something but it comes from being comfortable in your own skin. 

6) character is who you are. Reputation is who others say you are. Both are important but most people spend 10x more energy worrying about reputation. It should be the other way around. If you spend 10x more energy on character, your reputation will follow. 

7) you’re always going to disappoint someone. Choose carefully. 

8) don’t worry about what you can’t change. 

9) choose optimism. It’s your greatest indicator of success. 

10) Always start with the end in mind and work backwards. 

Covid 19 reflections

 I suppose that it was inevitable that I would live through a pandemic. Spanish Flu was around 1920 so assuming I live 80 years, it would have been 130 years. The best way that I can describe how it feels to me is that it feels like one big long 17 month (so far) Wednesday. Just one long hump day. I’m not rested from last weekend and not looking forward to the next weekend yet. It’s just blah. I’ve had my fair share of grumpy moments for sure. But overall quite thankful I’m in 2021 and not 1921. 

Some good things:

We’re the luckiest parents in the world to have had as much time with our teenaged kids as we’ve had!

Many things got simpler. Celebrations were smaller and more intentional. More intimate. Less crazy. 

Some not good things:

The cracks in the world started showing. Racism, intolerance, conspiracy theory fear mongering, over politicizing, judgmentalness. I hate it. 

One of the physical side effects of Covid is a loss of taste and smell. I think it’s one of the emotional ones also. Things just FEEL bland and blah. Every day feels the same. 

While I’m writing, I’m realizing how much has changed for me this year! But that’s for another post another time. For now, I’ve got more season 8 of 24 to watch….again. 

The glory days

Aside from family life, hitting career goals and other grown-uppy stuff, I think my favourite years of my life was my late 20s. It was awesome playing volleyball 5 days a week with a crew of some of my favourite people - Ross, Sol, Peter, Keri, Andy, Jeff, Sieng, Maki, Phaedra, Gwyneth, Derek, Tomoko, Andie, Don, Ben, Alicia, Sean, Megan and obviously Jim. Long days playing doubles in the park with a couple nets, good food, patios, and good laughs. The perfect balance of free time, expendable money and youthful energy. Watching Jordan play volleyball has brought back some of my favourite memories on the court.

#1) R2s - probably my favourite format cause I’m not overly tall, never hit overly hard, hated blocking so this format eliminated some of those weaknesses. Also having half the court as girls keeps the testosterone levels down and a bit more friendly.

2) Specialized tournaments - under 6 foot and Asian invitationals were always great too. Same reasons as above except for the testosterone. Lots of pride in these tournaments but the level of ball was always scrappy and high.

3) travelling - whistler will always be my favourite but Kelowna was a close second. Travelling to Victoria, saltspring or anywhere was always awesome. Too many stories to tell and try to forget.

3am musings

It’s 330am and I can’t sleep because I have a headache. Reading over past blogs, I’ve progressively gotten more serious so I thought I’d blog about something I haven’t for some time - poker. Now I don’t get to play much anymore so in case I ever forget, here’s some things to remember:

1)  don’t play fancy with beginners. They don’t know what you are pretending to have so playing fancy doesn’t work. They don’t have poker logic so they will do illogical stuff like look up a bluff when they really shouldn’t be. So play straight. If you’re going to bluff, it doesn’t need to be too much. If they want to look you up, they will whether it’s a pot sized bet or not.

2) play the person not the cards. If you are the best poker player at the table, people will want to beat you so odds are they will try to play fancy. If you play straight and tight, you’ll win. Don’t let them goad you into something. If they are loud and impatient people, they tend to play erratic and impatient. Look them up on occasion - they often don’t have the cards. They just have FOMO so they stay in. If they are quiet and reserved, they tend to play that way too. If they represent something, they usually have it. You can probably push them off lots of pots just by betting and representing big cards. They’ll fold if they don’t have it. Bet early and get information cheap.

3) change you style during the game. Know your table image. If people think you’re aggressive, play tight for a while. Once they see you playing tight, play aggressive occasionally. Give people a tell that isn’t a tell just to mess with them. Talk lots then not at all for nothing to do with your cards.

Getting older 2

a lot gets posted about how getting older sucks (as I did last time apparently) but there’s actually a lot that is great about it too. I think if you asked most people in their 40s if they could go back to being young again, they’d say no. So here’s a few observations:

-the 20s are great cause it’s the first taste of real freedom.
-the 30s are great cause it’s like your 20s except with money
-the 40s are great cause you really stop giving a shit.

Here’s what I mean by that:

1) despite what I thought in my teens and 20s (and embarrassingly some of my 30s), no one cares who wins. That’s not to say life is one big pointless task that always ends in a tie - but winning really has little to do with beating anyone else. It’s more like hiking than sports. Winning is getting to whatever destination you’ve set as your goal. It makes no difference if you get there first. As long as you don’t give up and keep pressing on, you’re a winner. And as any team sport person knows, winning is a helluva lot more fun with friends by your side.

2) you own what you got not what you wish you had. The most attractive people in the world are confident. I’ve met poor people that are confident, uglier people that are confident - and every their ability to stand tall in making a mistake, in staying positive through challenges, in being proud of their differences - makes them attractive people to be around. The truth is that everyone is insecure and the confident ones aren’t those that cover that up, it’s the ones that own it and act in spite of it. If I knew the good looking girls in high school wanted to be liked as much as I did, I’d have had a lot more confidence. If I knew my future boss wanted an all star employee to make them look good as much as I wanted the job, I’d have stood a lot taller.

3) with exception to maybe your home, there’s always an asshole in the room. Someone who wants to win by putting others down. Someone who covers their insecurity with arrogance. A bully that feels good when others are humiliated. In my 40s, I’ve discovered that those people are sad, lonely individuals that have no self worth because others in their 40s no longer give a ahit. So these assholes pick on those that are younger, those with health or personal challenges - which may make them feel better cause they still have high school cred - but to the rest of us, you may declare yourself as the king of the castle, but us dirty rascals are killing ourselves laughing as we enjoy each other’s company on the journey. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a team, your work, your church, even your friendship circle, there’s always an asshole. No point trying to change that. And if you don’t think there is one, maybe it’s me - so I’d better look in the mirror.

On getting older

It's hard getting older once we are older.  When we're kids, getting older means a new stage of life opens up - a celebration of first steps, first day of school, first time driving, first dates, graduations.  When we're older, getting older means losing stages of life - no longer as fast, as strong, as smart, losing hair, losing health, losing time.  There is something that I know is calling us forward - wisdom, grace, comfort in our own skin, legacies we can leave - but i would be lying if I said that those things didn't come with a feeling of loss.  It actually feels like the cost of admission into the next stage of life.

In many ways,  I think middle age is like middle adolescence in that I'm not young and I'm not old - I'm stuck right in between and don't know which way to look.  It's exactly like being in a sailboat by myself in the middle of the lake as my friends are on both shores calling me forward and calling me backward at the same time.  I'm scared to go forward and as much as I want to go backward, it's impossible.  So on some days - like today - maybe it's okay to just sit here in the middle feeling alone - and honestly somewhat sad - not because I'm not back where I was (because I honestly wouldn't want to be there) but because I'm not where I want to be - and today, I don't have the strength to get any closer there.