Everyone asks me why I'm doing this. There will be no pay increase when I'm done - yet it costs me probably around $30k all said and done. It will likely take up 80% of my free time for the next 3-4 years. I'm asking my family to make sacrifices as Dad just won't be around as much. I have zero intention of leaving my job - although I am actually working MORE so I can be "above reproach" in terms of compromising work for school. On the surface, there are zero reasons for studying.
Unless the reasons don't have to do with "success" as much as "faithfulness". A wise man once said that we aren't judged by God for what we do. We're judged based on what God asked us to do that we did. That's the essence of faithfulness. If schooling was about getting a job, making money, opening up opportunities, proving our worth - worldly success - then there's no point. But I'd argue that school should never be about those things as much as the lessons behind those things. Simply put, I am studying because God wants me there. I am blessed with a questioning brain and some capacity for learning. I have a wife that is somewhat the same and super supportive. We have a family motto that we do our best (we dib-dib-dib-dib and dob-dob-dob-dob) with the gifts that God has given us.
I'd be lying if there weren't other things in there sometimes (like pride, insecurity etc.) but it's all there whether I study or not and I'm hoping that these 4 years will be more about me becoming more like Christ than anything to do with me being a better - anything. My friends have all heard me say this before but some people can discipline their lives for growth on their own. I am paying $30k to force myself to do it. On my weaker days, I feel selfish for asking my family, friends and others to put up with it all. On my better days, I hope that I can encourage everyone to be more selfish in being the best them that they can be - at whatever cost to me.
I've spent a good part of my ministry life feeling unqualified and unworthy because someone in a denomination told me that I didn't meet the standards. I'd be lying if I didn't say that it wasn't formative and hurtful. For the greater part of 10 years, I've prayed that God would allow me back to school and ordained so I could be qualified and worthy - so I could show off and get respected. But God never gave me permission. It's taken a couple great churches and some exceptional people to help me to understand that in God's eyes, God truly qualifies the called and we are all worthy - not by anything other than God's grace alone. Any number of university degrees doesn't change that. The number of books published, dollars earned, sermons preached, even other lives impacted - doesn't make me any more or less valuable than I was when I was first knit together by God. To those in my past that didn't understand that yet, I pray you'll find those churches and people that will unlock that for you. It's the most freeing thing ever - being able to forgive yourself for being yourself.
My favorite theologian once said that he'd hoped that when he dies, people say "well he wasn't that bad of a guy." I'd love to have even half of his humility and Christlikeness.
