It's been a while since I've been at or in a wedding. As great as it is officiating a wedding, it doesn't really allow for an objective perspective on a wedding. Not that my brother getting married gives any objective perspective either but I definitely noticed some different things.
1) As you get older, the people that you want to come to your wedding decreases. When I look back at my wedding video and guest book, I scratch my head a lot wondering who a particular person was or why they came. Granted, I was a youth pastor in a church so many from the congregation came but I also remember having a really difficult time narrowing our guest list at our reception to 160 people. As I looked around the wedding last week, I couldn't think of many more than one or two people that Eric would have wanted to be there. If I got married today, I'd bet we could do a reception for 100 without much problem.
2) While the number decreases, each friendship is deeper. Every single person at the wedding had a connection to our family. Some were connected through parents etc. but they were all people that could have gone up and shared a story of some kind. That was cool to hear all the stories as I walked around the room.
3) The ceremony means so much more than it used to. Obviously, my ceremony meant a lot to me but generally speaking, these days going to one wedding is really close to going to any other wedding. Every couple wants their ceremony short and sweet. Vows are pretty similar for the most part. There's a message of some kind. Rings get exchanged. But being at Eric's wedding and hearing them share the vows they shared knowing how the 11 years of marriage have been for us - with the best and worst yet to come - just makes those words mean so much more. The reason that vows are always similar is maybe because they are the most profound and anything else would be less. The ceremony wasn't sentimentally meaningful like it used to be. It was profoundly meaningful.
I've never been close family to someone getting married. My whole life it was always Chris and Eric. It was kinda weird to see my bro so happy and in love with his bride. But in some kinda weird way, I felt like I was giving him away as well. I couldn't be happier for him but couldn't help but think for a minute that life for us wasn't ever going to be the same.
The last thing I noticed is that it is official. Somewhere along the line, I went from being the youngest in a crowd to one of the oldest. I hope I never have to jump for a picture again.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Today
After a week of being sick and a weekend with two hockey games and a full day volleyball tournament, I was pretty wiped out. So I got up late this morning. In half an hour, I had to shower and get ready, get the kids breakfast, dressed, and ready to go to school. I thought I had it just in time when I remembered I had to make lunch. The bigger problem was that I hadn't gone shopping this week yet and we had no food - no bread, veggies, fruit or anything else that is generally a staple lunch food. I managed to scrounge it all together and got out the door. Thankfully, the traffic wasn't that bad and after fighting for a parking spot in the school parking lot, I managed to get Jordan out the door just in time for the bell to ring.
Then I made my trip to the grocery store where for the next hour, I was battling the shopping cart, outrageous grocery prices, constant questions from my 4 year old and trying to remember what I had to buy since I'd left my list at home.
There is two loads of laundry that need to be folded and probably another load developing as I write this. I need to vacuum, mop and dust - again. Then I'll make another lunch, drive all over town chauffering my kids around and then prepare another snack because, once again, they are hungry. Thanks to the weird 25 degree temperature in late September (which I love incidentally), I have to mow the lawn again for the last time before the fall. Dinner is being prepped as I write though so at least that's taken care of.
And then there's the hockey emails that I'm procrastinating getting to...
It's been 121 days as a housedad and counting.
And I wouldn't trade one of those days for anything in the world. Being able to watch God grow these kids during this time of their lives is worth 1000 days of playing volleyball, 100 weekends away in Vegas and there's no amount of money that would make me change my mind right now. I'll never get these days back and with each lunch, snack and one sided conversation I have each day, I'm convinced that there's no bigger ministry, no better way to serve God, than what I am doing right now.
I'm not guaranteeing I'll feel that way 121 days from now. But as it always is. I'm thankful for the day I have as its challenges are all that I need to deal with right now.
Then I made my trip to the grocery store where for the next hour, I was battling the shopping cart, outrageous grocery prices, constant questions from my 4 year old and trying to remember what I had to buy since I'd left my list at home.
There is two loads of laundry that need to be folded and probably another load developing as I write this. I need to vacuum, mop and dust - again. Then I'll make another lunch, drive all over town chauffering my kids around and then prepare another snack because, once again, they are hungry. Thanks to the weird 25 degree temperature in late September (which I love incidentally), I have to mow the lawn again for the last time before the fall. Dinner is being prepped as I write though so at least that's taken care of.
And then there's the hockey emails that I'm procrastinating getting to...
It's been 121 days as a housedad and counting.
And I wouldn't trade one of those days for anything in the world. Being able to watch God grow these kids during this time of their lives is worth 1000 days of playing volleyball, 100 weekends away in Vegas and there's no amount of money that would make me change my mind right now. I'll never get these days back and with each lunch, snack and one sided conversation I have each day, I'm convinced that there's no bigger ministry, no better way to serve God, than what I am doing right now.
I'm not guaranteeing I'll feel that way 121 days from now. But as it always is. I'm thankful for the day I have as its challenges are all that I need to deal with right now.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
the way i was taught
When I was a leader in training at camp (it was called counsellor in training at the time), we were taught some things that have stuck with me my whole life. When I go to camp these days, it seems so many of the staff have their focus in the wrong places (on themselves!) and on what they are entitled to. Drives me crazy...
Here's some things we did as CITs.
-we always went last. Tuck, mealtime, waterfront, game time, anything. Everyone always went first. Our food was cold. We were left with the worst choice in tuck. Often we were left out of tubing because there wasn't time. We learned to never win games. I think the hallmark of a Christian in the 21st century isn't love as much as it is humility. There's lots of people that love exceptionally. But to find a humble servant that bears others pain without recognition is impossible.
-we were there for 2 weeks and for the whole first week, we couldn't talk to staff. When I say couldn't talk, I mean we weren't allowed - at all. We were there to observe - that's it. We watched what they did and write stuff down about what we were learning. Then we'd talk about it that night. We learned to listen. Everyone these days wants the status of being a staff. But a good staff is someone that knows how to just BE and let their lives speak for itself.
-we weren't allowed in the staff room at all. In those days, they called us "pond scum". (Now that I'm older, I can't see how the director ever allowed that to happen.)
-we were always on the cleanup crew. Dishes were always our job. The staff never knew this but everytime we were in a cabin, the CIT leaders asked us to do the sweeping, the mopping, the scraping - whatever was necessary. CITs set up the games and then we took them down.
-we were told to have 3 conversations about God a day - 2 to campers and 1 to another CIT or CIT leader. No one knew this was something we were supposed to do but we journalled about it and then debriefed it later. Two things happened. I became very comfortable talking about my faith and I became much better at making any time with campers into quality time with them.
-once it became time to help (instead of watch), we were told to always be with our campers. There was no break in the day. I don't think it ever occurred to me to skip out an activity or a game. As a staff, I never dreamt of sneaking out at night to leave my cabin unattended. I wasn't paid a dime my first 3 summers at camp.
You know what was weird? The CIT program was always full.
Here's some things we did as CITs.
-we always went last. Tuck, mealtime, waterfront, game time, anything. Everyone always went first. Our food was cold. We were left with the worst choice in tuck. Often we were left out of tubing because there wasn't time. We learned to never win games. I think the hallmark of a Christian in the 21st century isn't love as much as it is humility. There's lots of people that love exceptionally. But to find a humble servant that bears others pain without recognition is impossible.
-we were there for 2 weeks and for the whole first week, we couldn't talk to staff. When I say couldn't talk, I mean we weren't allowed - at all. We were there to observe - that's it. We watched what they did and write stuff down about what we were learning. Then we'd talk about it that night. We learned to listen. Everyone these days wants the status of being a staff. But a good staff is someone that knows how to just BE and let their lives speak for itself.
-we weren't allowed in the staff room at all. In those days, they called us "pond scum". (Now that I'm older, I can't see how the director ever allowed that to happen.)
-we were always on the cleanup crew. Dishes were always our job. The staff never knew this but everytime we were in a cabin, the CIT leaders asked us to do the sweeping, the mopping, the scraping - whatever was necessary. CITs set up the games and then we took them down.
-we were told to have 3 conversations about God a day - 2 to campers and 1 to another CIT or CIT leader. No one knew this was something we were supposed to do but we journalled about it and then debriefed it later. Two things happened. I became very comfortable talking about my faith and I became much better at making any time with campers into quality time with them.
-once it became time to help (instead of watch), we were told to always be with our campers. There was no break in the day. I don't think it ever occurred to me to skip out an activity or a game. As a staff, I never dreamt of sneaking out at night to leave my cabin unattended. I wasn't paid a dime my first 3 summers at camp.
You know what was weird? The CIT program was always full.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
i wanna be thankful
The other day I was driving the kids out to a park and they asked for their VBS cd to be put in. I wasn't thrilled about listening to this CD for the 5th time of the day. But at the playground, they were playing and singing, "I wanna be thankful". I never understood why parents were so impatient about their kids knowing Jesus. Until I became a parent. That made my day.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
When it's just not meant to be
In March, I usually start getting excited because at the first sight of warmth and sunshine, I start to look ahead to the Whistler August long volleyball tournament. There isn't a week that goes by that I'm not promoting it in some way with anyone that will listen. After the event, I am talking about it until October when everyone around me is tired of the stories and the weather settles into the grey BC rain we're used to.
On Tuesday this week, I found out the forecast was for 80% rain. On Wednesday morning, I found out the Sea to Sky highway will be closed for the long weekend and the only alternative is to go the long way around. On Wednesday night, I sprained my ankle again and can't really walk.
I get the message. No Whistler this weekend. :(
On Tuesday this week, I found out the forecast was for 80% rain. On Wednesday morning, I found out the Sea to Sky highway will be closed for the long weekend and the only alternative is to go the long way around. On Wednesday night, I sprained my ankle again and can't really walk.
I get the message. No Whistler this weekend. :(
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Parenting
I've been a few places recently that people have asked me how I got my kids to behave so well. We can't take credit for all of it because I'm convinced that some of it is just luck. But much of it isn't also. Here's some things I've noticed from that we do that some others don't.
-we'll follow through. If I make a threat, you can bet I'm willing to carry it out. How many times I've seen other parents make hollow threats and then the kids just walk all over them with no consequences! Why say it if you don't mean it.
-boundaries. There's this whole parenting philosophy around making only positive statements. So instead of "don't run", they'll say "walk". I'm sorry but they just aren't the same thing. If I want someone to really know something, the negative has so much more power to it than the positive. Saying NO is a boundary. Saying yes isn't.
-respect. I've seen so many people treat their kids like crap and then demand their kids to respect them. It just doesn't work that way. I often see something I don't like in my kids and then realize where they got it from. If I treat them with respect, they'll learn to treat me and others that way.
-say what we mean. Kids want to make their parents happy. It isn't always that way but at the age mine are, they want to succeed in my eyes. So I need to define what success is and give them the right tools to get there. Saying one thing and expecting another or being too vague doesn't help anyone.
-selective memory. I'm strict and sometimes mean. When I am, my memory for it is short. But it's important never to forget the good things. When I grew up, sometimes that was the other way around.
-Who's who. I'm the parent. They are the kids. They aren't my friends. They aren't my pet or my slave or my master. It's my job to train them up and give them the right tools to succeed in life. It's their job to learn, test and grow. Quit expecting something out of your kids that they can't give. They aren't your best friend. They need you to be a parent and a rolemodel.
-we'll follow through. If I make a threat, you can bet I'm willing to carry it out. How many times I've seen other parents make hollow threats and then the kids just walk all over them with no consequences! Why say it if you don't mean it.
-boundaries. There's this whole parenting philosophy around making only positive statements. So instead of "don't run", they'll say "walk". I'm sorry but they just aren't the same thing. If I want someone to really know something, the negative has so much more power to it than the positive. Saying NO is a boundary. Saying yes isn't.
-respect. I've seen so many people treat their kids like crap and then demand their kids to respect them. It just doesn't work that way. I often see something I don't like in my kids and then realize where they got it from. If I treat them with respect, they'll learn to treat me and others that way.
-say what we mean. Kids want to make their parents happy. It isn't always that way but at the age mine are, they want to succeed in my eyes. So I need to define what success is and give them the right tools to get there. Saying one thing and expecting another or being too vague doesn't help anyone.
-selective memory. I'm strict and sometimes mean. When I am, my memory for it is short. But it's important never to forget the good things. When I grew up, sometimes that was the other way around.
-Who's who. I'm the parent. They are the kids. They aren't my friends. They aren't my pet or my slave or my master. It's my job to train them up and give them the right tools to succeed in life. It's their job to learn, test and grow. Quit expecting something out of your kids that they can't give. They aren't your best friend. They need you to be a parent and a rolemodel.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
integrity
If there was a virtue that I value the most, I'd say it was integrity. No ones perfect but just the sense that people try to live by what they value - even if I disagree with it. Obviously, those with Christian integrity, I prefer but just knowing that people try to have morals and ideals that they live by, strive to do better and live HUMBLY under - are real examples to me.
I'm so far from being there but when I die, it would be my dream to be remembered as a man with integrity.
I'm so far from being there but when I die, it would be my dream to be remembered as a man with integrity.
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