Bonhoeffer had it right

I've been bothered lately by the modern definition of grace. I've often said that the definition of grace is "getting what we don't deserve" while mercy is "not getting what we do deserve". So as humans, we don't deserve forgiveness and new life. But God gives it to us through Jesus. What we do deserve however is punishment and death. And we don't get that because of Jesus.

Real grace and mercy transforms us. It's my trip to Hong Kong when my aunts and uncles took 6 months of their savings so they could take us out for a meal. It's when someone forgives you for something that you have repeatedly done overtly to them. It's when God says that I can preach again after I've royally messed up and lived hypocritically all week. Real grace and mercy brings me to my knees.

My problem is that everyone today feels that they are entitled to grace, mercy and forgiveness. When they don't get it, they blame other people. It's as if they expect to get it. But grace that is expected isn't grace. It's permissiveness. Paul talks about this about as plainly as he can in Romans. This kind of grace and mercy doesn't transform. It births pride. And that pride corrupts a relationship with God.

One of my favorite reads in seminary was from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He writes this about what he calls "cheap grace".

[It] is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

According to Bonhoeffer, real grace is a grace that will cost a man his life.

on being a stay at home dad

Well I've officially been a stay at home dad for one day now. It's easy.

I'm kidding. (That comment was for Kathleen's benefit when she reads this.)

But just generally speaking, it's easier than I thought it would be. Not because it's easy - but more because I expected it to be really hard.

There's the usual stuff. Kids argue, get restless, want to eat a snack constantly, always want my attention, I can't get anything done, no space to myself. (So far in this blog, I have gotten up 5 times and it's taken me 25 minutes since I'm currently also cooking lunch, watching the kids in the backyard, doing the dishes and cleaning the mess from this morning). I expect that I'll have a meltdown somewhere in the summer because I have no time to myself and I've lost independence. Work is never done as a stay at home parent either which isn't appealing. And, I'm not a stay at home person - period.

But with that said, there were things that I expected to be great. Like having time with the kids with no rush or agenda. Like being able to have flexibility in my day to do whatever I feel like that day - more or less. Like having some time at home to get the house the way we want it. Like having time outdoors at the beach, in the park. Like rediscovering my childhood again doing things I have long since outgrown.

What makes this easier than I'd thought though is the unexpected. The past couple hours, with no prompting from me, Rachel and Jordan have been playing together surprisingly well. Jordan talked to Rachel on her pink, plastic cell phone pretending to talk to Logan while Rachel pretended to talk to Jordan. Rachel gets to be Luke Skywalker when they have light sabre fights. (Apparently, Swiper the Fox gets a light sabre as well sometimes.) It's simply the best watching them play.

Rachel comes up to me about every half an hour wanting a hug from her dad. Jordan has asked me a few times the answer to some trivia fact he's been obviously thinking about for some time. They are both so genuinely happy that they get a whole daddy day - every day. I get to discipline in a discipling way rather than as the authoritarian daddy that comes home after work with the "you're gonna get it" voice. I get to set the house rules for that day. The best part of all - I have seen me in each of them - when they play and talk together.

It's gonna be a tough summer but I'm pretty sure it's also gonna be one of the best of my life.

Presbyterians.

The Presbyterian Church in Canada for the most part is a good denomination. I've grown a ton here. In terms of church government, I like the theory behind having courts of various levels to decide things. It's not as tyrannical as just having a bishop (like the Episcopalians) or having each congregation deciding for themselves - which depending on the pastor and elders - could have some serious issues as well. I like the theory behind the layout of half clergy and half lay people in Presbytery and higher. I like it that I'm forced to always wrestle out my theology because I am forced to sit with others that differ from me. I really like the emphasis on grace.

So why am I leaving? There's tons of reasons. Here's the main ones.

-I'm never going to a PCC school so I can get "recognized". The enrollment within the PCC schools is in sharp decline. Less and less younger people are choosing to go into ministry within this denomination. The education quality is sporadic and sometimes (like when I was there) VERY poor. When I went to VST, it was even heredical. I expected liberal Christian teaching. Was Mary really a virgin or did Jesus really rise from the dead kinda stuff. I wasn't expecting neo-pagan teaching. Jesus life, death and resurrection as just a mythic "form" to illustrate the cycles of life. Jesus was only a man and men have for ages oppressed women and creation and therefore Christians cannot worship only Jesus (this was from the Christology professor - and in her honor, I will capitalize 'Christology' even though I got that corrected on every paper I wrote). Or the ever offensive, "I like to picture Jesus on the cross with an erection because as a human, he would've had one." If you've got an axe to grind against men or orthodox Christianity, do it on your own time. Not in a theological institution that will train the future pastors of the church. Thanks VST. But no thanks. I worked my butt off doing my MDiv elsewhere. I struggled with my faith there but at the end of the day, I grew in my faith and my calling. And I greatly respected every single one of my professors. And that school happens to be growing in enrollment.

-Within the PCC, you can't get ordained unless you go to one of their schools - which I've explained why I'm not going. If you aren't ordained, you can't do communion or baptism. While I understand why, I don't understand why they don't make exceptions. If I do a hospital visit and someone is dying right then and they want to accept Christ and get baptized, am I supposed to say no and then call an ordained PCC minister to come - someone who potentially has no relationship with this person - so they can put holy water on their head? While I agree that not everyone should just go break bread and baptize people, any denomination that has rules that can't be shaped when it doesn't conflict Scripture doesn't have it right. Is God going to not honor a baptism or communion done by a non-ordained PCC elder or pastor? The Bible is clear to me when it says what a priesthood of all believers is.

-On that note, this denomination is built around the ideal of the priesthood of all believers. It's why it's an elder built denomination. But it isn't that way. Instead of feeling ostrasized by the odd arrogant pastor you meet, you feel ostrasized by a whole group of people. The first Session meeting I attended (to which I was invited), I raised my hand during a motion. A simple motion too - just to adopt the minutes of the last meeting I think. I got singled out by someone who looked at me and said loudly, "YOU can't VOTE! Put your hand down!" The first Presbytery meeting I attended, I was asked to present a report about camping ministry. I'd been in camping ministry for 12 straight summers at that point. I knew more about camping than most of those people added up. But I didn't know about that meeting apparently because my presentation was excluded because as a "point of order", I did something I should do - to which I still don't know what it was. At another time, (I'd been a pastor in the PCC for about 7 years at this point), I was serving as the english pastor at Chinese Church. There was pulpit exchange. Since I was the regular preacher in the English service, it made sense for me to do the exchange with the other church. But she wouldn't have it. Why? Because I can't bring official "greetings" from Presbytery. Let me get this right. I can be asked to serve on national committees. You'll let me have the pulpit weekly. I can speak at camps, churches, provincial and national events. You'll let me visit, marry and do funerals. But I can't say hello on behalf of Presbytery?

So here's the thing. I've been blessed to work in this denomination beside some exceptional individuals. Every church I've served in has been phenomenal. They have been supportive of me, my calling and without them, I wouldn't be me. I've worked hard to serve this denomination and the church - even sometimes when I would've done it differently. So for the most part, I move around the PCC quite freely already. I have no bone to pick with any of these churches or people. Truth be told, I'm sure if it were up to them, I'd be ordained right now. But why?

There's someone else out there going through this right now. Others that have before me. And some extremely gifted, called and exceptional people that have been shafted and left their calling because of this process and this structure. It's not Biblical or right. In this structure, who would've made it? Not Abraham, David, Peter or Paul. Jesus was a carpenters son. Would he have gotten his MDiv?

The end of an era

Life doesn't progress in a linear fashion. There are days/weeks/years that move along with very little change and then there are some that change drastically. My life has probably changed more in the past month than the past five years. Here's some reasons why: (i'll elaborate next time)

-After 11 years in a denomination, I'm done and moving on. (by far the longest anywhere - for those that were counting, I had 8 in a Baptist, 4 in an Anglican).

-After having student loans for the past 14 years, I've paid them off!

-After running away from Victoria and loving being out of the fishbowl, I'm back there again! (and loving it)

-After being employed for the past 20 years (and sometimes VERY employed), I'm unemployed and just staying home with the kids all summer!

-While I've given up some debts, I've picked up others such as a house I'll be paying off for the next 40 years, a car for the next few, and some expensive reno loans that will probably outlive me.

I'm an angrier person as a dad.

Last night I was at a Canucks game and the good guys were down 2 goals. The season is on the line with this game and the Nucks just aren't putting it all together. As it always is when we play Canadian teams, there's probably close to as many Edmonton fans as Canuck fans there so there's a bunch of people cheering for Edmonton and then there's the Canuck fans that aren't happy at the game.

This drunk guy a row behind us is standing up and screaming at the top of his lungs with some of the worst language I've heard. He's swearing at the Edmonton fans. He's swearing at the Canuck fans for giving up on the team. He's going at it for about 5 minutes when the guy behind him asks him to sit down because he can't see. The guy freaks out and starts in on that guy. Worst part? There's a girl about 7-8 years old sitting right in front of him watching the game with her dad. The drunk guy then drops his beer - ON THE GIRL. I wanted to pummel that guy. I'd have been mad at that before - but now as a dad, I'm infuriated.

Today, I took Rachel to McDonalds for a daddy date. We're eating and enjoying our lunch when this little punk kid about 8 years old comes in and starts climbing all over the outside of the equipment. No parent or adult with him. So the staff come in and tell this kid to get down or he's going to get booted. They leave and he starts doing it again. Meanwhile, he's cursing and just being an idiot. There's us, this kid and another nice family in there. Finally, grandma comes in with lunch and I'm thinking the kid is going to get better. Instead, the kid screams back at grandma and basically ignores her when she talks to him. And Rachel's watching this kid.
I wanted to spank the daylights out of that kid. But that's not acceptable so instead my date with my daughter is ruined as both the other family and us, left without allowing our kids to play like we'd promised.

some help for my single friends

Being a pastor means I give lots of advice but it's always tempered and gracious. Lately for some reason I've been giving relationship advice to a few friends with similar problems. Here's the unedited version.

If you're shy and have trouble meeting someone from the opposite sex, here's some help.

1) Get better looking. Looks aren't everything but they really do get you a long ways.
2) Get money. The love of money might be the root of all kinds of evil but having nice stuff and/or giving expensive presents really helps get you noticed.
3) Get really outgoing, good looking, rich friends to be friends with. When it all fails, second pick might still be better than your first pick.

10 ways to find out if you're a youth pastor

10) Do you have the pizza companies fast dialed into your phone?
9) You've graduated and have 1000 friends on Facebook and 950 of them are in high school.
8) You could entertain a room full of people with 4 paper clips, an eraser, some Q-tips and 2 minutes to prepare.
7) You text message faster than the average 13 year old girl.
6) Your teens call you too old and every adult calls you too young.
5) If your best memories are in an old church van.
4) Your trunk is filled with different kinds of sports equipment "just in case"
3) Your office is where everyone stores their stuff.
2) You watch Austin Powers for sermon ideas.
1) You're single and just bought a minivan.