Working out is one of my favorite things to do - most of the time. Here's a few reasons why not:
-Fitness World Kits - the spandex lady. There's this one red headed woman probably about 60 years old that wears a sin tight leopard print bathing suit to work out. She's a big time cougar and really likes doing those leg adductor machines and step ups. Thanks for the intro Sean!
-Hip machines and the aforementioned leg adductor machine - Ok, this machine is reserved for cute girls only. You know which one I'm talking about. The one where you sit in the chair with your legs straight out in front of you and push/pull your legs apart. There is nothing worse than seeing a guy using it. Um...you have equipment there that is VERY unattractive when you spread your legs apart. These machines are for CUTE GIRLS ONLY.
-The Grunters - Why draw attention to yourself when you work out? Grunting of that volume is reserved for the privatest moments on the lid - not while the weight room is full.
-The Clangers - Don't drop weights onto the floor or clang them at the top of the rep at 100 miles an hour. It's annoying and if you are big enough to lift em, you're big enough to do the negative and put them down.
-The Posers - Again, this is a privacy thing. You look dumb when you pose in a mirror at the gym. Yes, everyone is looking at you but no, you don't look cool for doing it. We all know you are a big boy for working out. So wait til you get home or at least go into a private room.
-"give me a spot" - that doesn't mean to put on 100 lbs more than you could lift otherwise. Thanks a lot for the guy that made me lift 225lbs off his chest when he probably could only do 100. And thanks for asking me afterwards if I had to help you much. Um yeah, I didn't want to come over and straddle the bench while you were on it and grunt like a caveman trying to lift it off you (see Grunters above). Lucky I didn't fart on your face. (see "farters" below)
-Those Swiss Balls - Great for ab and core work but make sure you've got a spot (but note "give me a spot" above). The guy that was standing on the 65" ball and doing squats with the 45 lb bar and 25's on each side is asking for it. Yeah he was a big guy but that was also why we all found it funny when you fell crashing to the ground breaking the mirror and probably all your pride.
-Swiss Balls part 2 - While doing dumbell chest presses on a swiss ball, it is important to have someone help you lift the weights initially when you are lifting heavy. Trying to balance 65lb dumbells in each hand and lifting one knee to get it into position while balancing is asking for trouble. I have a big scar on my elbow from the consequent falling off the ball and crashing to the ground scenario. And to the 20 year old, 90 lb girl that asked if I needed help and a spot, "No." and I hope to God that I never see you again.
-Finally (for now), the farters. We've all done it. All that pressure pushing weight. The protein powder and who knows what other supplement we've taken to upset our stomachs. But have the courtesy to go somewhere else afterwards if not during. When you sit beside me, you make me gag which is tough to lift through. And worse yet, people probably think it was me.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
See you soon
Boyd died today. This morning I got a call at the office saying that he died a few minutes earlier. I got to the hospital in time to talk to his son but before he'd had a chance to tell his mom. It was good to see him finally out of the misery of tough breathing and pain. A man that was so invigorated by life itself should not be forced to live like that. It just wasn't who he was.
When I went to visit last night, I had a strong feeling that it might be the last time I would get to talk to him. His wife and son were there all night but for some reason they weren't there when I got there. I got to have a few words with him by ourselves. I read some Scripture and prayed. I shared a bit about how special he was to me and our church. His wife always said that hearing me pray and holding his hand made him feel at ease. He liked it when I visited but having other stuff to do, I would always leave him with a prayer and telling him that I'd see him again soon. Last night was a chance for me to say good bye. And while he wasn't responsive at all, I'm sure he heard.
This morning, I just sat there and as I always feel around situations like this, totally lost for words. I guess I've learned that it's okay not to say anything and just to be there but every time, I feel like I wish there were something I could do. But this was a God thing. Just as life is. And I needed to just trust this family into God's hands.
We miss you Boyd. But we'll see you again soon.
When I went to visit last night, I had a strong feeling that it might be the last time I would get to talk to him. His wife and son were there all night but for some reason they weren't there when I got there. I got to have a few words with him by ourselves. I read some Scripture and prayed. I shared a bit about how special he was to me and our church. His wife always said that hearing me pray and holding his hand made him feel at ease. He liked it when I visited but having other stuff to do, I would always leave him with a prayer and telling him that I'd see him again soon. Last night was a chance for me to say good bye. And while he wasn't responsive at all, I'm sure he heard.
This morning, I just sat there and as I always feel around situations like this, totally lost for words. I guess I've learned that it's okay not to say anything and just to be there but every time, I feel like I wish there were something I could do. But this was a God thing. Just as life is. And I needed to just trust this family into God's hands.
We miss you Boyd. But we'll see you again soon.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Great things
Since i've done so much complaining on here, I thought I'd post 10 of my favorite things (in no particular order):
-a well set X ball when I'm the second hitter and I realize as I jump that the blocker went with the quick.
-making a pin point pass in hockey and the other player burying the puck.
-any time I can bury the puck myself.
-good worship and singing/playing my heart out.
-Haagen Dazs Raspberry Gelato.
-A big bowl of Pho on a cold day or a good Chinese dinner at May Wah.
-Hung Dow Jook in the fridge.
-snuggling with my kids or hearing them laugh.
-when people laugh at my jokes.
-a can of perfectly chilled Coke in the summer.
-a well set X ball when I'm the second hitter and I realize as I jump that the blocker went with the quick.
-making a pin point pass in hockey and the other player burying the puck.
-any time I can bury the puck myself.
-good worship and singing/playing my heart out.
-Haagen Dazs Raspberry Gelato.
-A big bowl of Pho on a cold day or a good Chinese dinner at May Wah.
-Hung Dow Jook in the fridge.
-snuggling with my kids or hearing them laugh.
-when people laugh at my jokes.
-a can of perfectly chilled Coke in the summer.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Stupid people
Okay. Seriously.
-A guy has been emailing me about registering for hockey. He's emailed about 15 times. Basically he can't play because his schedule won't let him be flexible with days off. First he wants an exact schedule NOW for the fall/winter of next season. That's impossible. So then he says, "why can't you just give me only weekend games?" I explain the whole, "well there's 400 other people in the league" thing. He doesn't get it. He wants me to discount the games that he doesn't play.
-That goes with the guy that wanted me to phone him to let him know when he had hockey games because he doesn't have access to the internet. Again, I explain the whole "400 people in the league thing" and he doesn't get why it's such a big deal to just call him. Firstly, you are an idiot. The world doesn't revolve around you. Secondly, get out of the stone ages. No internet access? Are you serious? Heard of a library? Do you have any friends? Wait, forget that last question.
-$46. That was the total of the bill that the lady in front of me at the 15 items or less counter. Her son even counted out over 30 items as he unloaded HER CART! I was standing behind her with a newspaper and exact change. She doesn't let me go first. She just takes her time. Of course, I was in a big rush to get to my next appointment as well.
-When I'm driving a bus, don't pull out right in front of me when I'm stopping at a light or when I'm ripping down the highway at 90 kph. First off, I'm a much bigger vehicle and I'd crush you like a toothpick if I ran into you. Second, I can't stop like you can because of the aforementioned mass and inertia. (take Physics if you don't know what that is) And EVEN if I could stop or slow down, thanks to you, it will now take me about 20 minutes to get up to that speed again. Thanks pal.
-When we eat out and split the bill, look at what you ordered ROUNDING UP. Usually prices are like $14.95 so rounding up is the way to go. I've yet to see a menu item be $11.05. Don't forget to add your drink, dessert, appetizer and whatever else you felt like gorging yourself with. When it's all added up, move the decimal point over one spot (ie. $14.95 would now be $1.495) and double it (so 1.495 is close to $1.50 which doubled would then be $3.00). Add that to your total and that will be what you owe INCLUDING TAX AND A TIP! (So if you owed $14.95 that would be about $18.00 you'd leave). Don't expect other people to pay for you when you go out. You don't think people know who you are?!? Trust me, everyone knows and they talk about you when you aren't there. Here's a typical youth group situation. We go out as a group of 8 people. The bill total is $110. People leave $80. Thanks a lot. My meal now cost me about $50 as I am having to cover the $15 I owe plus the $40 we're short - and that's if we leave less than a 10% tip to cover the huge mess you left when you thought it would be funny to be loud, obnoxious and put all the salt into your drink and mix it with cream and everything else you can find.
-Along that line, if other people put in a big tip, the polite thing is to leave it in there. Please don't subsidize your meal by taking MY tip because you think it's too big. You want to subsidize your meal? Then scrape my plate and fill my pop. If you don't do that, then just let me tip whoever I want whatever amount I want to because it's my money and I feel like it.
-A guy has been emailing me about registering for hockey. He's emailed about 15 times. Basically he can't play because his schedule won't let him be flexible with days off. First he wants an exact schedule NOW for the fall/winter of next season. That's impossible. So then he says, "why can't you just give me only weekend games?" I explain the whole, "well there's 400 other people in the league" thing. He doesn't get it. He wants me to discount the games that he doesn't play.
-That goes with the guy that wanted me to phone him to let him know when he had hockey games because he doesn't have access to the internet. Again, I explain the whole "400 people in the league thing" and he doesn't get why it's such a big deal to just call him. Firstly, you are an idiot. The world doesn't revolve around you. Secondly, get out of the stone ages. No internet access? Are you serious? Heard of a library? Do you have any friends? Wait, forget that last question.
-$46. That was the total of the bill that the lady in front of me at the 15 items or less counter. Her son even counted out over 30 items as he unloaded HER CART! I was standing behind her with a newspaper and exact change. She doesn't let me go first. She just takes her time. Of course, I was in a big rush to get to my next appointment as well.
-When I'm driving a bus, don't pull out right in front of me when I'm stopping at a light or when I'm ripping down the highway at 90 kph. First off, I'm a much bigger vehicle and I'd crush you like a toothpick if I ran into you. Second, I can't stop like you can because of the aforementioned mass and inertia. (take Physics if you don't know what that is) And EVEN if I could stop or slow down, thanks to you, it will now take me about 20 minutes to get up to that speed again. Thanks pal.
-When we eat out and split the bill, look at what you ordered ROUNDING UP. Usually prices are like $14.95 so rounding up is the way to go. I've yet to see a menu item be $11.05. Don't forget to add your drink, dessert, appetizer and whatever else you felt like gorging yourself with. When it's all added up, move the decimal point over one spot (ie. $14.95 would now be $1.495) and double it (so 1.495 is close to $1.50 which doubled would then be $3.00). Add that to your total and that will be what you owe INCLUDING TAX AND A TIP! (So if you owed $14.95 that would be about $18.00 you'd leave). Don't expect other people to pay for you when you go out. You don't think people know who you are?!? Trust me, everyone knows and they talk about you when you aren't there. Here's a typical youth group situation. We go out as a group of 8 people. The bill total is $110. People leave $80. Thanks a lot. My meal now cost me about $50 as I am having to cover the $15 I owe plus the $40 we're short - and that's if we leave less than a 10% tip to cover the huge mess you left when you thought it would be funny to be loud, obnoxious and put all the salt into your drink and mix it with cream and everything else you can find.
-Along that line, if other people put in a big tip, the polite thing is to leave it in there. Please don't subsidize your meal by taking MY tip because you think it's too big. You want to subsidize your meal? Then scrape my plate and fill my pop. If you don't do that, then just let me tip whoever I want whatever amount I want to because it's my money and I feel like it.
atmosphere
Another visit to the hospital today. I promised Boyd that since he couldn't come to church, that church would have to come to him. So I worked on a short sermon, a couple prayers, and some readings that I'd heard him talk about the last while. He couldn't say anything but I could tell he liked it. He even gave his trademark smile and handshake of steel.
It was a very different service. The super loud toilets that institutions have must have flushed at least twice in the room. It was hard to talk over the voices of other people there for the other patient in the room. There were tons of machines and other sounds in the hospital. We were cramped and there was absolutely no privacy. The air in that section of the hospital had a musty hospital smell like urine, sweat and other body odors.
But it made me wonder if that is how that Scripture is meant to be read. Particularly Psalms like that one. How can anyone appreciate the imagery in that text when we sit in comfortable pews (or not so comfortable) and in a church sanctuary that is warm and the atmosphere somewhat artificial? Have we sanitized the Gospel? There was something very right about a service in the context of real life. For the most part, I like order in a service. Having a form and order gives comfort and I think is very Biblical. But Presbyterians order worship too much. You don't get a sense of that order in Biblical worship. And there definitely isn't that order in real life. If we want people to really grow, it's time to unsanitize worship.
It was a very different service. The super loud toilets that institutions have must have flushed at least twice in the room. It was hard to talk over the voices of other people there for the other patient in the room. There were tons of machines and other sounds in the hospital. We were cramped and there was absolutely no privacy. The air in that section of the hospital had a musty hospital smell like urine, sweat and other body odors.
But it made me wonder if that is how that Scripture is meant to be read. Particularly Psalms like that one. How can anyone appreciate the imagery in that text when we sit in comfortable pews (or not so comfortable) and in a church sanctuary that is warm and the atmosphere somewhat artificial? Have we sanitized the Gospel? There was something very right about a service in the context of real life. For the most part, I like order in a service. Having a form and order gives comfort and I think is very Biblical. But Presbyterians order worship too much. You don't get a sense of that order in Biblical worship. And there definitely isn't that order in real life. If we want people to really grow, it's time to unsanitize worship.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Perspective
Boyd sits in the second row at the right outside aisle of the church. He's always wearing his best and whenever he sees me, he gets a big smile on his face and greets me with "Reverend." His wife sits beside him but Boyd is usually the one to do the talking. Ever since I met him a year and a half ago, our conversations are always about how good God is and how amazed he is that he is alive after being close to death more times than he can remember. But he's articulate, smart and has a handshake grip that can make you cringe if you aren't careful.
But tonight, Boyd is dying. He's given orders to his doctor to take the medication away and let him go. There won't be another near death experience. This time he's going to be with his Lord for good. He can barely talk now because he hasn't eaten in a week. Sometimes he forgets where he is or what's happening. His handshake is still firm though.
I asked him how he feels about dying. He said he's okay. It's time. And then he mutters a few words that I can hardly make out. "God is faithful to me Chris. He always has been. I shouldn't even have been here this long." I just about lose it. I do about the only thing I could do. I start praying and the whole time his eyes are closed and his breathing shallow. Boyd's favorite Psalm is Psalm 23 and every time I've prayed this week I've used that imagery. It seems to calm him down. Tonight, Boyd was reciting it under his breath.
I've been around dying people quite a bit in ministry. It's part of life and I'm comfortable with it more or less. But there's something about this guy that's different. Since last Sunday, I've been there twice a day almost every day because it's where my thoughts and prayers are. I've been almost awestruck how he can be so thankful even with the kind of week he's had.
Just before I left, he looked at his wife of 37 years and said, "you've always been there with me. Thank you." We all wiped tears away.
I don't really care whether the Canucks win or lose tonight. I don't really care if I ever lace skates and play hockey anymore. Right now, I don't really care whether I drive a nice car or pay my debts off. I'd be really happy to have the kind of ministry to others that Boyd, on his death bed, has had on this young pastor. I'd be really happy to be known as someone thankful for the time he's had with those he loves.
But tonight, Boyd is dying. He's given orders to his doctor to take the medication away and let him go. There won't be another near death experience. This time he's going to be with his Lord for good. He can barely talk now because he hasn't eaten in a week. Sometimes he forgets where he is or what's happening. His handshake is still firm though.
I asked him how he feels about dying. He said he's okay. It's time. And then he mutters a few words that I can hardly make out. "God is faithful to me Chris. He always has been. I shouldn't even have been here this long." I just about lose it. I do about the only thing I could do. I start praying and the whole time his eyes are closed and his breathing shallow. Boyd's favorite Psalm is Psalm 23 and every time I've prayed this week I've used that imagery. It seems to calm him down. Tonight, Boyd was reciting it under his breath.
I've been around dying people quite a bit in ministry. It's part of life and I'm comfortable with it more or less. But there's something about this guy that's different. Since last Sunday, I've been there twice a day almost every day because it's where my thoughts and prayers are. I've been almost awestruck how he can be so thankful even with the kind of week he's had.
Just before I left, he looked at his wife of 37 years and said, "you've always been there with me. Thank you." We all wiped tears away.
I don't really care whether the Canucks win or lose tonight. I don't really care if I ever lace skates and play hockey anymore. Right now, I don't really care whether I drive a nice car or pay my debts off. I'd be really happy to have the kind of ministry to others that Boyd, on his death bed, has had on this young pastor. I'd be really happy to be known as someone thankful for the time he's had with those he loves.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Why is Friday good?
I just finished a Good Friday service at the church. Basically a service of readings leading up to the crucifixion and death of Jesus. I'm reading the narrator part - which includes prodominantly playing the part of Jesus. I've read these Scriptures literally a thousand times. I've preached and led Bible studies about these texts many times. I've written papers at Regent about it. But tonight, it wasn't technical. And it wasn't complicated.
Jesus loves me. Not a little bit. A lot. Enough to be beaten for something I did. Enough to be left all alone because of me. Enough to be ridiculed and shamed so that I wouldn't have to be. Why is Easter the best day of the year? Because it's MY holiday. It's Jesus dying for ME. It's the power of the resurrection for ME. If that's not amazing, nothing is.
Jesus loves me. Not a little bit. A lot. Enough to be beaten for something I did. Enough to be left all alone because of me. Enough to be ridiculed and shamed so that I wouldn't have to be. Why is Easter the best day of the year? Because it's MY holiday. It's Jesus dying for ME. It's the power of the resurrection for ME. If that's not amazing, nothing is.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
playing volleyball
I went out to volleyball again recently after not playing at all for the last couple years. I was never a total natural at it but it was something that I took pride in during my time in Vancouver. Playing in mens tournaments and beach tournaments around (and even winning the odd one here and there) gave me some identity around it. There were days where I remember playing in a tournament and having people say that they had to key on me!
So I went out to drop in here. First, volleyball on the island is kinda looked down on by people in Vancouver. There are a few decent players here but for the most part, Vancouver is a big city and whenever we'd play and an island team came, people kinda write them off. Second, drop in volleyball is known as where jungle ball, hackers play. People that might be athletic but aren't volleyball players. Or often not even that.
I go out and warm up. It's feeling pretty good. I've got my knee sleeve on and wearing a volleyball T-shirt from some tournament a couple years ago. My fingers are decent, I'm passing ok, arm swing feels as good as it ever has. I take a couple approaches to the net and my knee is feeling stronger than it has ever in the last two years.
The game starts and I'm in power. We receive the serve and the pass comes to the setter who puts up a high, definitely very hittable ball out towards me. I measure and take my approach and jump. I felt like I was FLYING! I was gonna pulverize the ball. The net wasn't even mens height - it was at junior boys. The middle blocker didn't come over. I was hanging for what seemed like forever when I hit the ball as hard as I could. Now first, when I hit the ball, I realized that I was barely over the net - so my vertical couldn't have been more than 6 inches. And I hit the ball RIGHT into the hands of the probably 70 year old man on the other side who decided last minute to jump sideways a bit and hold a hand in the air with his eyes closed and head turned away. The ball came straight back down into my court. Roofed. By a senior citizen.
I think that was his first block ever. His team congratulated him like he'd won the lottery. My team gave me the high five, "good try" comments. My next set, I pounded about 6 feet up on the back wall. And I think I mistimed another one and had it roll off my fingertips. I wasn't set again for about an hour. After that, people started covering for me and trying to give me "tips."
I hate getting old.
So I went out to drop in here. First, volleyball on the island is kinda looked down on by people in Vancouver. There are a few decent players here but for the most part, Vancouver is a big city and whenever we'd play and an island team came, people kinda write them off. Second, drop in volleyball is known as where jungle ball, hackers play. People that might be athletic but aren't volleyball players. Or often not even that.
I go out and warm up. It's feeling pretty good. I've got my knee sleeve on and wearing a volleyball T-shirt from some tournament a couple years ago. My fingers are decent, I'm passing ok, arm swing feels as good as it ever has. I take a couple approaches to the net and my knee is feeling stronger than it has ever in the last two years.
The game starts and I'm in power. We receive the serve and the pass comes to the setter who puts up a high, definitely very hittable ball out towards me. I measure and take my approach and jump. I felt like I was FLYING! I was gonna pulverize the ball. The net wasn't even mens height - it was at junior boys. The middle blocker didn't come over. I was hanging for what seemed like forever when I hit the ball as hard as I could. Now first, when I hit the ball, I realized that I was barely over the net - so my vertical couldn't have been more than 6 inches. And I hit the ball RIGHT into the hands of the probably 70 year old man on the other side who decided last minute to jump sideways a bit and hold a hand in the air with his eyes closed and head turned away. The ball came straight back down into my court. Roofed. By a senior citizen.
I think that was his first block ever. His team congratulated him like he'd won the lottery. My team gave me the high five, "good try" comments. My next set, I pounded about 6 feet up on the back wall. And I think I mistimed another one and had it roll off my fingertips. I wasn't set again for about an hour. After that, people started covering for me and trying to give me "tips."
I hate getting old.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Swimming scare
Yesterday I took the kids swimming. As usual, it was chaotic getting them ready but it was going to be a fun day with Daddy. We have a slogan in our house - "a day with Daddy is a day with treats". So I had my chips ready, Tim Hortons, everything needed to keep it bearable.
But usually when we go swimming, it gets better. This time, it didn't. My kids were everywhere and into everything. It was the first time that I've ever had a problem with feeling outnumbered. Anyhow, after doing the waves and chasing them around the boat, I convinced them that the hot tub would be a fun place to go.
When we get there, I settle in and start to relax. When suddenly, my girl says she has to pee. Now, recently she says that a lot. The night before, I took her to the bathroom five times within about 5 minutes. And since both kids went before we swam, I figured it was another false alarm. So I told her to hold it.
When you are 2.5, I guess "holding it" means literally. So she peed into her hand - right there at the side of the hot tub. Not only that but she was making the grimacing faces like something else was moving inside her. So I'm freaking out but trying not to bring too much attention to the whole situation. But as scary as that was, that's not the scary part.
Next thing I hear is a panicked yell, "DADDY!" and I see Jordan slip into the hot tub a few feet away from me. I guess he had walked along the seat and didn't see the ledge. So down he goes and drops like a rock to the bottom of the hot tub. In a second I ran over to him but in the meantime, I catch a glimpse of his face - panicked, eyes and mouth open but motionless, underwater. Obviously, I got him out and he was only there for about 2 seconds but the sound of "Daddy!" and his facial expression are burned into my memory. I couldn't sleep last night because everytime I closed my eyes, that's all I could see.
God, please protect my kids. Protect everyone's kids. I can't even imagine.
But usually when we go swimming, it gets better. This time, it didn't. My kids were everywhere and into everything. It was the first time that I've ever had a problem with feeling outnumbered. Anyhow, after doing the waves and chasing them around the boat, I convinced them that the hot tub would be a fun place to go.
When we get there, I settle in and start to relax. When suddenly, my girl says she has to pee. Now, recently she says that a lot. The night before, I took her to the bathroom five times within about 5 minutes. And since both kids went before we swam, I figured it was another false alarm. So I told her to hold it.
When you are 2.5, I guess "holding it" means literally. So she peed into her hand - right there at the side of the hot tub. Not only that but she was making the grimacing faces like something else was moving inside her. So I'm freaking out but trying not to bring too much attention to the whole situation. But as scary as that was, that's not the scary part.
Next thing I hear is a panicked yell, "DADDY!" and I see Jordan slip into the hot tub a few feet away from me. I guess he had walked along the seat and didn't see the ledge. So down he goes and drops like a rock to the bottom of the hot tub. In a second I ran over to him but in the meantime, I catch a glimpse of his face - panicked, eyes and mouth open but motionless, underwater. Obviously, I got him out and he was only there for about 2 seconds but the sound of "Daddy!" and his facial expression are burned into my memory. I couldn't sleep last night because everytime I closed my eyes, that's all I could see.
God, please protect my kids. Protect everyone's kids. I can't even imagine.
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