how i've stayed happily married

With Kathleen being away for the weekend and being a bachelor again for a time, I thought I'd pass on a few things that I've found helpful in the past 10 years.

-Who cares who is right? 99% of the time, it doesn't matter.
-She's a little messy. I stink sometimes. Don't sweat the small stuff.
-Find ways to laugh. At yourselves, each other, other people - whatever.
-Life isn't fair. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's her. In the end, it'll balance out.
-Celebrate your differences and encourage the other to have a life of their own.
-Flexibility. I learned this more when I had kids but being willing to change is always good.
-Keep learning and growing. It's easy to feel bored when you aren't doing anything new.
-I get by with a lot of help from my friends. Find some. Invest in them. No one has all their needs met by their spouse.
-Find ways to show she means more than whatever else. Life is always more urgent, more pressing, more important - until it's too late. Make time, spend money - whatever.
-Pray. Lots. For yourself. For her. For courage to do the other 9 things above.

The conference

I was just rereading my last post and it sounds so cynical. I don't think i'm really that cynical - I hope. I am critical though of the church and Christians in general cause i think a lot of times, the non christians have a point that we are irrelevant or judgemental or hypocritical or whatever. What ever happened to just normal? Kevin and I went and watched a private screening of the movie Amazing Grace. A good show. But then the movie ends and the crowd has to start singing the hymn. Why?!? It's corny. Anyhow, there i go bashing Christians again. I'm one of them and proud of it. And I know I'm irrelevant, judgemental, and hypocritial too. (I don't think I'm really that corny) That's probably why it bugs me so much too - kinda like ex smokers being the hardest on smokers. I see it in myself and don't like it.

Anyhow, the conference itself was really good. The highlights had to be the Children of the World choir that sang the first day, the comedians and the concert Sat night. The kids choir was awesome because of their sincerity and energy. Wow, they were good. I had tears in my eyes when the kids came down the aisles hugging people. I got hugged by a girl about 6 years old.

The comedians were really funny too. Poked fun at Christian stuff. Not at God - but everything manmade about Christianity. All the Christian ideosyncracies. It actually made us remember what Christianity is all about - taking God really seriously but ourselves and our structures not so seriously. I laughed a lot. Not corny at all.

On Sat night, Delirious and Rebecca St. James had a concert. They were really good. A super intimate concert. More a worship time than anything else. They just shared like we were in their church. Very cool.

I never used to like conferences but now I actually really enjoy them. It's like school without papers and exams. I can just glean what i want and when i'm tired or need to zone out, i can without feeling guilty. This was probably more a reminder to me of why I'm in ministry than anything else. It's from a desire to want to share hope in Christ. Hope of a better life. Hope of a better future. Hope of heaven and eternity with Jesus.

On Wednesday night, I was watching a Canucks hockey game from my hotel room. Every time the Canucks scored, I cheered even though I was all by myself. I couldn't contain the excitement. They are MY team!

Why don't I have the same excitement about ministry anymore? Why not about worship? Why not about Easter and resurrection?

The conference was a step in the right direction.

On Americans

Everytime I come down here I forget how different it is from Canada...

Everywhere you drive, there's fast food places. They are all labelled on signs along the highway and have huge signs outside the restaurant. Being on a healthier eating kick, I asked the hotel lady where a healthy restaurant was. She said, "what? Like Taco time?!?" TACO TIME? That's their impression of healthy food? I just laughed.

People are just ruder. Any indecision on the road gets a finger. It's kinda like honking a horn in Vancouver. Honking a horn in Duncan is considered really offensive and rude. But in Vancouver, it's just part of driving anywhere. No big deal. The finger is that here. No big deal - just letting people know that you are there. Or maybe they were just telling me what they think of my BC license plate.

Try asking for directions or getting service at a restaurant. It's brutal. People are just really quick and rude. Now I know why Canadians are known for being too kind - or why Americans wear Canadian flags when they travel.

I was at a Christian conference here and was walking through the exhibit hall where people set up their missions booths etc. (I hate walking through places like this cause they are like the carnies baiting you over to their booth - vultures....). Anyhow, I look up and caught a guy's eye and before I could walk away, I was listening to his speel. Then out of the blue, he goes, "are you Chinese?" I say, "yeah" and then it's this uncomfortable second where no one says anything. I'm thinking that he's just weird because it came out of the blue and had no real purpose. And then he says, "well I don't hold that against you. My wife's sister married a Chinese." I'm not sure how to take that ignorance and stupidity.

Finally, people are fat here. Not everyone obviously but a LOT of people. It's no wonder with all the fast food restaurants. But also, the sizes of everything is halarious. I ordered a large coke last night at the mall and I swear it was bigger than super big gulp size. There are seats every two steps in the mall and everywhere. (even in the church) It's probably because people are so out of shape that they need to sit! Crazy.

Egos

What makes a goal so much better than an assist? Why is it so important to be first? Why is it important for people to recognize what we do? Can't we just feel good that we did it? Why is it better to be an upfront person than a behind the scenes one? Why is it so important to be right? Or to have the last word. Or to know the answer to every question. Or have an opinion about everything.

I hate people that are ego driven. And then I realize that I'm one. My prayer is that I'll honestly believe that a life full of assists is as valuable as one full of goals.

Why I dress down to go to work

I was at a ministerial meeting the other day. I looked around the room and saw a bunch of people that I'm growing to like a lot but look nothing like me. They are older and for the most part, people that's lives centre mostly around their work. They are all in dress pants, ties, suits and some in clerical collars. I am in ripped jeans and a T shirt. That's about as dressy as I get around the church unless its Sunday. Granted, I don't give this huge thought or to make any kind of theological or other statement but when she mentioned it to me, I have gotten used to just being me - everywhere I go.

Why would I wear something that I'm going to feel stuffy in when I'd much rather wear something else? Why spend hundreds of dollars on suits and ties to wear to work when the majority of people that come in to talk to me will just be wearing a baseball hat and shorts? Or worse yet, I'll just be locked in my office writing a sermon anyways?

It's hard for anyone to hear us say things like, "we're just like you in the eyes of God" when we talk with words that no one understands, in a weird "pastor" voice, wearing a clerical collar and look nothing like a normal person. I feel like I'm acting like someone I'm not. And if I'm pretending, no wonder other people call me a hypocrite. Those that say that when we're pastors, we no longer are speaking on behalf of ourselves but rather God, I'd say that all of us are supposed to represent God. Pastors are just people called to serve, preach the Gospel and provide leadership within the church. But so is everyone - just in a different place with different people. Authentic witness starts with being authentic ourselves.

So that's why I dress down. And why I'll never wear a clerical collar.

Why I love my kids

Everytime I come home, the same thing happens. My daughter runs up and says, "hi daddy! hi daddy!" (and more recently) "I miss you Daddy!" Even if it's just that I went out to my car for a second, that same thing happens. My son is too cool for that now. "hi dad" is about all I get if I can pry his attention away from whatever he's doing. But if I come over and spend a minute getting into what he's doing, he instantly lights up. Among the many things that tell me I'm getting old is that I no longer know how to play with action figures. I'm not sure where we learn to do it but it ISN'T like riding a bike. He doesn't care that I don't know how. As any dad, I just fake it when I play but it just isn't fun for him when Brutaka starts preaching a sermon or Reidak plays hockey.

I'm the king of the universe to these kids. I can do anything. My son tells me that when I'm 100, we'll have to move because the roof will be too low for how tall I'll be. My daughter puts her head against my shoulder as we watch TV and says a spontaneous, "I love you Daddy.".

I know there's gonna be a day when this stops happening but for now, there's nothing like it.